LuxembourgLand

Au Revoir, Aloha

2010-04-02T16:15:00.004-05:00

My mother just asked me to keep her 70th birthday, tomorrow, a secret.

Up at camp, the May schedule is already christening our dry erase board. My departure date is up there and it spooked me a little something. Just when I'm settling into my groove it's time to up my moors and hit the friendly skies. I'm not exactly George Clooney in Up In The Air, wait, I'm not exactly George Clooney, but life on the road is my kinda life. It pains me to be a nomad and always worry about not being happy while being still. But moving is exhilarating. Focus!

And I do like the kids! Go figure. Here's the biggest thing though; the kids actually like me. That's it! A discovery. I've applied to teach youngsters how to ride bikes in New York over the summer. Might have to see that through. But not before I drive cross country. Ask me what country. What country, you ask? Canada! That's right. It looks like I may just get the opportunity to drive a Camry from Vancouver to Toronto before finding another means of transport onwards to Montreal to get my car.

And the summer has already promised me Bonnaroo and Rifflandia 3! Generally speaking, spirits are on the uptick. May and June are going to be helluva great times. I hope I don't lose my shirt trying to keep my wheels spinning.

Great experience; yesterday we did a program at Camp Mokule'ia. When we finished, I swiped a low hanging coconut off a tree and brought it back to Timberline. There I spent perhaps 15 minutes husking this thing to get to about 16 ounces of coconut water and jelly. Well worth it! Food is work. Life is fodder for memories. It's all about the memories.

Shortimerz Syndrome

2010-03-29T19:17:00.005-05:00

My time here in the Aloha State is on the decline. It's almost May which to me is synonymous with Mainland. I'm looking forward to another summer of crazy parties, music festivals and bicycles. Fingers crossed.

The other day I got to venture to the Big Island... but that was literally the other DAY. Yup, we (myself and a couple workmates) were there for a little less than 48 hours. It sucked everything out of my meager bank account BUT we got to buy papayas at 4 for $1, stay in the hippie enclave of Pahoa where Ning's cooked up the best Thai food I've ever had the pleasure of savoring, met all sorts of Big Island crazies AND swam in a warm spring (a tidal pool/hot spring). The Big Island is the best thing to happen to Hawaii in about 300,000 years.

And like that I'm back on Oahu inhaling red dirt and overspending on Newman O's and trinkets. And every time I watch that sun set I get to itching for the day I hop on the plane and retire from island life. That's not to say that the Big Island is not in my future. There was at least one bar in Hilo with an actual sign of life there. Go figure. Go 'head fool, compute!!

Phantom II (Soulwax Remix 2) by Justice is PUMPING in my earbuds. I'm seeing triple at Bonnaroo as I write this. Thomas Mars just crowd surfed by me again. He's got a tiny pimple on his chin. And barely any facial hair. It's over. I'm driving up north for Osheaga! Crap, it's over. That's okay, I've got Rifflandia 3!! Summer, you must really miss me.

Random randomnositude: My most recent school group at camp, an all-girl 5th grade class that included Dwayne "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman's daughter, had students named Sunshine and Liberty. Is the pakalolo making a come back?

And I sunburned the right side of my belly a couple days ago. Just the right side of just my belly.

Kukua!!!

2010-03-02T01:04:00.005-05:00

Living with 5 or 6 women does have its disadvantages. In fact, I think it only has disadvantages. One girl admitted today to having Seasonal Affect Disorder. Which is fine and dandy for the rest of us except that she called a ROOMATES' meeting to tell us all. There are so many feelings floating around you could swat them with a fly swatter. She wants to conduct a bitch session, now, once a week. In other words, she wants to meet once weekly to bitch about the living situation. She's also a girly lesbian what dresses like a bike dyke and despises guy folk. Needless to say, she's troubled with herself and her identity and feels it necessary to impose her degree of lost and confused on us all. But of course, the girls are all more than willing to jump on board and I'm corralled into our weekly cry and moan meetings. Not that I didn't suggest we do this thing monthly instead; just, our lost child needs all eyes on her once a week instead of once every full moon.

In other news, I'm really digging this Hawaiian pidgin. It's akin to Canadian, really. Today I sat in a medical office and listened to a guy throw "ehs" around like it was the Vancouver Winter Olympics (which just ended gloriously for the Maple Leaves up north). My favorite thing about Hawaii, however, is Bangkok Chef! Their yellow chicken curry is to die for with potatoes and white meat chicken and ginger and STICKY RICE! Best part? It's only $6.5o. I'd do it everyday if I could (which I can't, it's in Chinatown, far far away from my home in Makakilo by island standards).

As nice as all THAT is, I'm still looking forward to my next 3 visits to beautiful Canada (to visit my gal pal on the way back to New York, to grab my car in Montreal, and gal palling it again whilst attending Rifflandia 3 in September). I feel good. Good.

Sobriety on Oahu

2010-02-01T21:27:00.004-05:00

It feels like soooo long ago since I was chasing Quebecoise all over Montreal. Now I'm sitting outside of Safeway, eating up their free wi-fi, with my eyes set on a prize in Victoria, British Columbia. My how things change.

I've been away from this blog thing for quite some time and there is quite a bit of catching up to do but put simply I'm covered in red dirt, on and island on an island and feeling like I'm doing hard time.

I've also developed, serendipitously, a pretty obtainable goal of visiting all 50 states. Not to sure what to call the ones I've only driven through. Does driving through entail a visit? Or do I have to relieve myself for it to "stick"? Hmmm? Anyway, I've only got a few to go considering I've gotten the 2 non-contiguous states out of the way. I've also had Amazon.com ship products to me in both Hawaii and Alaska.

Other notes on Hawaii: sunscreen is toxic stuff, stuff is expensive, tropical fruit is not readily available ANYWHERE in America (Unless, of course, you're willing to SPEND), and pakalolo is Hawaiian for the jolly green mood alterer.

Back in Bedlam

2009-10-07T21:23:00.004-05:00

Geez, I hate America. Fuck this place with the freest of speech. Folks, I bought a couple of baking potatoes from Walmart up in Fairbanks, Alaska. After crossing the border into Port Angeles, Washington, the soul less border and customs officials confiscated my American bought potatoes. Essentially, it's starting; the US government justifies doing whatever the fuck it is they want to do with impunity. What a massive injustice.

The worst part is driving across this land. It is vast, varied and beautiful but the people rival the worst on Earth. I picked up a couple of hobo children in Portland, Oregon and these kids garnered nothing but stares all across the country. The sheriff in Podunk West Yellowstone, Montana had the nerve to tell one of the girls that he doesn't appreciate her "kind" around town and he offered to arrest her for vagrancy. The gas station attendant in Buttfuck, Oregon, when asked how he was doing insisted that he had no idea. I made a purchase and offered the most delightful of pleasantries and he couldn't even look me in the eye. The lady at the pizzeria/Internet café in West Yellowstone was a complete bitch and barely acknowledged my futile attempts to get some traveling information. Luckily, the Firestone service station in Northwestern Chicago, Illinois was filled with helpful, swift technicians who had me out the door in an hour. And the delightful woman walking to work in Portland also was very genial and pointed me and a travel mate in the direction of Voodoo donuts, of Anthony Bourdain fame. Also, the T-Mobile in Portland also facilitated my request to waive the account activation fee to set me up with cellular service. Whatever, we shotgunned it from Seattle to Brooklyn in three days, 4 adults, 3 dogs, no showers, barely any sleep and one blown-out tire. Fuck America.

I'm in a nasty mood because, well, I've seen better. In Alaska, your neighbor is the ONLY thing you have. The place is so vast, so remote, so brutal that you do anything to lend a hand, if even just to smile at your fellow warm-blooded oxygen breather. You don't buy Mercedes, French Connection, or care about Bluetooth connectivity. You get quilted flannel, 4 wheel drive, and red meat. And it makes you all the more practical and humane for it. In Canada, you light up a bowl before you lift a fist in anger. You puff a "j" before you huff and puff. The police even seem to respect you for it. In America, they confiscate your belongings and tell you you aren't wanted. They barely look you in the eye. Canada, adopt me; I'll love you more than the Queen.

"Oh, I'm longing to be out in the sweet unknown.."
Heartless Bastards on Be so happy.

Summer of 2009, I opened you mowing lawns somewhere in West Mount, I'm sure. I closed you on the shores of Vancouver near Stanley Park watching the sun set and snapping a photo or two. I went North toward the future. I urinated under the northern lights. I went to Whitehorse and didn't get drunk. I saw Tegan and Sara back stage and they said "hey" to me about 7 separate times. I watched Gentleman Reg rock out. I got zooted in the woods and made fried bread in the bush. I got completely wasted, then drove off-road to entertain two Louisianans. I burnt coffee on purpose and had people praise it. I had hippies pass me joints. I met a hundred + new faces. I rediscovered a deep seated/seeded hatred of my motherland. I got fed free beer and bar b que. And I learned that I can't wait to do it all over again... because nothing's stopping me.

The Bulgarian Bonfire Soirees

2009-09-13T19:40:00.004-05:00

Eastern Europeans. Every time I forget my woes and start seeing life for its very few charms, it's in the presence of foreigners (or, in the case of Quebec, people foreign to me). Here in Alaska, young Eastern Europeans are brought in for the hospitality and tourism industry. They're cheap labor to the local proprietors and the kids get to come to America to suss out whatever it is Eastern Bloc-ers come to America to suss out. It's a win-win.

The season is winding down faster than a rig going 65 MPH is incapacitated by a moose on paved permafrost. And the RV park the clowns I work for put us in has closed for the season. The RV park's Eastern Europeans throw a party of sorts every night now. They light a camp fire and play bad techno/electronica/dance music. They've invited us Jeep boys to drink cheap beer with them and hang out around the fire. They burn anything they can get their hands on. I never knew Budweiser cans burn so well.

So at night, we hang out under the moon drinking the cheap stuff and chatting absolute nonsense. And I couldn't be having more fun. I hope they're out tonight, though Maria is on a flight to LA or Vegas or NYC and the rest of the Moldovans, Macedonians, Bulgarians and Russians are about to fly the coup too. Any day, as a matter of fact. Our group is bound to dry up quickly. And when it does it's back to the blanket feelings of underwhelmed-with-being. Bang! I fucking love moose, mountains and fire. I'll miss the the heck out of this place. But I gotta split!!

From bad to September

2009-09-09T22:48:00.004-05:00

Feeling low. Low. The sun went from setting at 10:45pm to setting at 8:30pm. Northern lights were out again last night. They sucked. Today, 09/09/09, my rideshares headed south decided to nix the whole thing. Now I have to bear the burden of driving 5 thousand miles and paying for 5 thousand miles worth of fuel.

And I keep seeing moose splattered all over the place. I saw a massive rig with a dent the size of my extended family in it. And a blood splatter bigger than a Ford F-150. The last thing to go through the mind of the moose it hit? Its own asshole. Hanging out in the middle of the Parks Highway at whatever hour that happened, maybe its own asshole was the ONLY thing to ever go through that moose's mind.

I'm very excited to be leaving this place in under 2 weeks. But I'm still sitting with the unnerving feeling that I'm not going to be very happy anywhere else. Sometimes. Well, I think that I'm bigger than this brain. This body. This life. What kills me is the wants. I want to eat every day. Hunger is a pesky little habit. I want stuff. Maybe even a woman friend. Vey. Purple tennis shoes. A winning lottery ticket. A road bike with flat handle bars. A skill. A New York strip steak. A happiness maybe very few people know. Lucky kid that I am. To want to be happier and not healthier, or safer, or cleaner, or less closer to death. Lucky to be unhappy.

So I'm rolling down the Stampede trail and come to a calf moose trot right by me. Then the mama moose saunters in front of my Jeep. So I sit. And throw the Jeep in park and watch. I didn't do much thinking. I just watched. I suppose if I did think I would have wondered that I can't watch this sort of thing in Brooklyn. Or that I'm on the clock is this is helping me pay the bills. Or that this is the exact reason I came to Alaska for 6 weeks. Or how I'd be writing about my thoughts in another day or two. Writing about her and her calf. Writing about how each one of her mouthfuls of tree leaves equates to about 5 or 6 large salads at any deli anywhere. And then I actually did have a thought. I threw the Jeep into drive and motioned onward. But she squared me up. And I thought either she's not going anywhere. Or that I'm disturbing her meal. I put the Jeep back into park and hung out a while longer. Microcosm for my life? At almost 30, did I just throw it back into park? Am I idling on my trail?

What about you and your trail?

Thoughts on future sadness

2009-09-03T17:53:00.005-05:00

Yo! This summer has greeted me with the happiest of happies I've ever experienced. It started fresh in Montreal, had me driving forever to Tennessee to experience Bonnaroo, mega huge parties way back in Quebec, meeting maybe a hundred new friends all over the place, learning to repair bikes at McGill U., seeing tons of bands play live, and driving across the continent to Alaska. All the while I never missed Brooklyn, though seeing that bands would be playing live in Brooklyn made me appreciate the access to ALL New York City has afforded me. If I ever actually live there again, I won't take it for granted.

But I'm almost 30 and my brain is fucking fucked. The thoughts that swirl in my head just won't let me live in the moment and appreciate not being 30 and being in Alaska for no other reason than because I can't work above ground in Montreal.

But that doesn't help. I have these bad feelings that I won't be happy after this. That no matter where I go, after this summer, will pale in comparison to this one hoorah. Ouch. It's soooooo real to me. Going back to Brooklyn would almost feel claustrophobic. Going to Montreal would certainly mean working under-the-table, menial tasks and living hand-to-mouth. And staying in Alaska would offer some promise, but tons of misery and a cost-of-living that I'm certainly unprepared for.

How do I balance my chronic spells of depression with; new, exciting and healthy experiences that stimulate and keep me reasonably happy; AND find a way of making a living that doesn't have me continually thinking of seeking out a new way to earn an existence? Doesn't seem possible. It's the sort of way-leads-onto-way that forks me over and over again.

I keep melting.

Someone teach me French, a skill that stimulates me to no end, and write me up a work visa. Or motivate me to act and not think. Or better yet, distract me.

But no one wants to read this bullshit. So I'll have you know that last night I saw the lankiest cat ever bound its way across the George Parks highway. Turns out it was a lynx. And I finally saw Dall sheep hanging out. And the ptarmigans' feathers and arctic snowshoe hares' fur are changing color! There are a couple hares that visited me at cook's camp today. Cutest things ever.

Living in Alaska is like:

2009-08-30T21:19:00.005-05:00

Living in Alaska during the end of summer is like:

-Smelling, perpetually, like a camp fire. And after bathing, you smell like camp fire/soap.

-Crowd surfing when the crowd you're surfing is gravel. This stuff is everywhere. One ended up embedded in my car's windshield the other day. Needless to say, Novus and Speedy Glass do well out here.

-Living 4 hours behind the rest of the world. Because we know the whole world is in the Eastern Time Zone.

-Keeping constant vigil for animal droppings. Why? Although stepping in it would be stinky and nasty, running into who left them would just be nasty.

-An orgy of duct tape. Because duct tape is everywhere and if, heaven forbid, you run out of the stuff the Walmart in Wasilla sells more of it than any single store anywhere else in the world.

-Struggling to have just a little heat, warmth, coziness. There's a dearth of sunshine here during the rainy season so emotions run high in a sad way. Rainy and damp. And chilly. It's an epic setting for a Hitchcock, Wes Craven collaboration. Worst of all, I've found love is in short supply. There's no cat and mouse to play, no flirting, no gesturing. People here are clad in flannel, are hearty and are forward. In short, the people are as cold as the name Alaskan implies.

-Everything you expected it would be. Today someone down at Keith's Service Station called me looking for a moose tag. She gave me only 4 digits for her phone number. People routinely refer to 30 miles down the road as "just" down the road. Addresses aren't addresses as much as they are mile posts. I sleep at milepost 231 and I work in and around milepost 238.6. You hitchhike, wear Merino wool socks, fish, hunt, drink, and have fingers built like beaver tails.

Pissing under the Northern Lights

2009-08-30T03:47:00.003-05:00

Friends, I can't provide a picture for this post. I just couldn't do it. I tried snapping one, but there was no justice. Tonight, I went to the Panorama Pizza Pub just south of Denali here in Alaska, which produces some awful grub. But I had a few Miller High Lifes and took to getting home just before midnight local time. Obviously, upon imbibing my beer I had to relieve myself and tonight, of all nights of my almost 30 years on this here planet, tonight I peed under the Aurora Borealis.

Timbuktu

2009-08-29T02:56:00.003-05:00

Morning. It's still night here... but I'm 4 hours away from most anyone who would read this. And by that, I'm referring strictly to time zone. No way anyone is traveling 4 hours and ending up in Denali, Alaska. Not if you're anyone I know anyway.

So what have I seen? Duluth, MN. Great place. Really.

I think I passed Glacier National Park in Montana. There may or may not be a glacier.

I saw Calgary, Alberta. Not a nice place. Very middle of nowhere-trying-to-be-somewhere.

Whitehorse, on the other hand is a gem. Drunk First Nationers and francophones all over the place. They've also got a Walmart whose parking lot doubles as an RV park. And a campground where I paid C$1 for a 4 minute shower.

I saw bison walking along side the road in the wee hours of the morning. I swear to you, they are so dark, had it been in the middle of the highway in the middle of the night, I'd have been stew meat. That far north, you only read about street lamps. Quite dangerous.

I saw Fairbanks. Nothing fair about it. They've a couple of great outfitters, a McDonald's that sells the McMckinley (a Big Mac with bigger beef patties), and the largest Walmart I've ever seen.

I saw Anchorage. Drunk eskimos abound. The people are rude. They practice shady business. Very disappointing.

I saw Wasilla. Wasilla is Alaskan heaven. The people are nice. They remind me of pleasant Canadians.

And of course I've seen Mt. McKinley. Big. Word on the street; it's bigger than Everest. It starts lower, has a higher rise (18 thousand feet, whereas Everest, though taller, rises a lowly 13 thousandish), and a larger base.

Oh yeah, I've peeped a cow moose and her calf eating the life out of some leaves not 100 feet away from where I sleep. Talk about big. I've seen a threaded flange break off my car's alternator. I've seen the Stampede trail made famous by Christopher McCandless and that whole Into the Wild hoopla. I've seen the midnight sun. I'm not exactly in Timbuktu, but I'm not in Kansas anymore either.

Summer 2009, will you marry me?

2009-08-02T08:35:00.004-05:00

Ah man! It's been almost a month, but Canada is rocking my socks off. I'm shipping off to Alaska tomorrow morning and I am going to miss this balls to the wall place.

Last night I did Osheaga. Girl Talk hit with pounding synth beats and La Ronde (the local Six Flags amusement park) serenaded us with fireworks. The weather was absolutely perfect. I can't say anyone could ever plan a better party on paper.

My time here is clearly winding down and with my future up in the air here comes this pesky down, depressed me again. But seriously, lately I've done everything from trying to illegally escape Canada on foot, to riding home on a stolen Bixi at 4 in the morning, to developing a reputation for drinking everything out of extra large yogurt cups.

I just can't take blogging. Too much of a responsibility. I feel guilty. I can't update the blogosphere on my comings and goings. MY comings and goings. I can't, in reality, because why would anyone care, either way?

But I trudge. And my spell check seems screwed. And I've met the best people in the world. HERE. And I'm leaving in 24 hours.

"Je suis contente parse que nous somme ensemble."

To the EAST!

2009-07-07T18:51:00.003-05:00

Hippies do it best. Over this past weekend, I've come to revisit the lifestyle I just recently got a hardcore taste of in Tennessee. A bud here in Montreal had this 36 hour party to get to in the Eastern Townships... and I've got a car. It was a dangerous mix. So I invited the girl I have a crush on and she brought her girlfriend. Oh the antics!!

Everything went uphill from there. Had I not lost my tin of Burt's Bees lip balm, I'd say the weekend was PERFECT. Crush and I swam through bottles of hard, hard alcohol (though not liquor). 11.1% Blithering Idiots were chugged, 13.5% Merlot was pounded, and we chased all that good shit with 8.6% Boris Bold tall boys. So we got so hammered by the time the djay threw on Punjabi MC we had no qualms 10 minutes later when the djay again threw on Punjabi MC!!! That's how drunk we were. But did it make a difference? No, because everyone there was zooted on MDMA and even crush's girlfriend was given psychadelic juice at 8am before she hit the hay. Sunday was one massive hangover in paradise.

On the drive back the girls hit the lake. And then we stopped at A&W and I got the highlight of the trip. Me and crush were going apeshit over my iced tea in a chilled A&W rootbeer glass/mug.

Is it any wonder I'm sitting here in front of this laptop on the verge of a major depression now that that happiness is over. It was literally the best trip of my whole entire life.

Alright, anyway, it's off to the Jazz Fest to try and recoup some sanity in good music. Apparently, a Rocksteady show is beckoning the friend who brought me out to the East. Fingers crossed it'll be good.

Oh Canada!

2009-07-02T18:27:00.005-05:00

I love Canada! Canadians? Not so much, but oh Canada; I'm pretty fond of thee.

The first of July was Canada Day. The Old Port of Montreal threw a massive dance party with fireworks and shenanigans. It blew my mind. It was so much more fun than the lousy Macy's 4th of July fireworks thing on the East River. At the end, the MC told the crowd exactly where and when we could find them again: July 1st, 2010. The energy was over flowing and everyone waved their Canada flags. I was happy.

So I walked over to St. Catherine's and saw the Jazz Festival in full swing. St. Catherine's was closed to automobile traffic and the whole area was one big Jazz promenade with free live performances too. And the music was nothing to scoff at. It was great! The weather was great. Montreal is a great town. But the people here are a little less than great. I was alone. Even though this was Canada's independence day (or something similar) and Montreal has actually become a jazz festival, I couldn't convince anyone to go anywhere with me.

In Brooklyn I'd have any number of kooks willing to run around to all corners of the city for the corniest of fare. Here, Montreal has AMAZING things happening, all within walking distance, and everyone seems to be avoiding me.

But I love you still Canada. Wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life here. All I really need is you.

And I've come all the way from America to swoon over an American lesbian. Have I hit rock bottom? Almost. Almost.

Okay, so a few nights ago, I'm walking home from St. Jean Baptiste Day (a whole 'nother story) all half drunk at 3-something in the morning when I come across not one, but TWO skunks! The first one had it's rear... reared and ready to spray. The second, a couple blocks later, was frightened to bits when it saw me and looked very sketchy. Why are skunks soooooo scared? They've got barely any predators. And they can hardly see. What's there to frighten these crepuscular chickens?

So St. Jean Baptiste Day is like the national fete of Quebec. It's their sort of Independence Day. That day I hit a bar-b-que and a bridge burner party in Mile End. Fun and drink and crazy, crazy happiness were in abundance. I got invited to an "after party" where I drank warm Carlsberg beer too. All this to walk home and scare the living nightlights out of some skunks.

The story, apparently, is that Quebecois celebrate St. Jean Baptist then protest Canada Day by making everyone move. Like some cacaphonous symphony, everyone's lease in Quebec ends on July 1st, so everyone is so busy moving and not so busy feting. AND!!!! Everyone has to bring their own stoves and fridges and washers and dryers into their new abodes. CRAZY! I am crazy about this town... and this one terribly cool gal who likes other gals. Help me.

Computing is the new Prohibition

2009-06-20T18:50:00.001-05:00

Sorry folks, I spilled beer on my laptop. I'm now sans computer. I will be minimizing my presence on these here Internettings for the forseeable future. Once I am able to fix my doohickey, however, I may just be chock full of half interesting anecdotes to recount.

Until not so soon...

2 Live Roo

2009-06-18T19:22:00.004-05:00

Bonnaroo! Such an epic start to my summer of 2009. Manchester, Tennessee in mid June is like Mecca in the year 600 or so.

Highlights of this year's festival include a little known band called Hockey, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs were sharp. The guitarist, Nick, either broke his electric guitar or it was out of tune for Maps. He ended up swapping instruments and they played the acoustic version. Then he broke his electric guitar at the show's end. TV on the Radio rocked the house. They started the set perfectly by going right into Love Dog. Phoenix is a band full of rock stars. They know what the fuck they're doing. Listzomania is also a very appropriate way to start a show. The lead singer ended the show crowd surfing (right by me). I missed the Crystal Castles who followed Phoenix (I hear their show was even better). Girl Talk finished up. CRAZY! Jessica Lea Mayfield autographed my t-shirt. The Heartless Bastards played a masterful Sunday afternoon set. Moe. rocked until 6 in the am. MGMT was packed to the gills. Booker T. made a fat white guy in the bleachers say "Damn!" And Vertigo made everyone shake like the Parkinson's ward during the '88 earthquake.

I got more shit to throw up here, but this is it for now.

Gone Phishing

2009-06-09T09:36:00.005-05:00

Dearest reader. Your fearless egocentric blogger (that's me) is road tripping into the wilds of the US Interstate system and won't be back for well over a week. I intend to be 'off the grid,' as those of us in the know say, for at least a couple of those days.

Fear not, upon my return, I hope to whelm you with tales of forlorn love and skulduggery. Until such time, feel free to click on all the masterfully contrived links to the right.

Godspeed.

Staying outta trouble

2009-06-06T20:50:00.004-05:00

So it turns out bike co-op volunteer is Papa Smurf. She likes to caution folks to "stay outta trouble." Such good stuff, she is. We hung out all day yesterday. We ended the day drinking a beer in the park, Boris Bold no less. And we chatted and laughed and made fun of things. I wish I were 23. I'd have asked her out. Did I just type that?

Yeah, yeah. And I meant it too. She's just so smurfin' cute and cooooool. She wanted like a hand shake or some shit when we left the park, but I gave her a big smurf instead. Seriously, she makes Montreal so much sweeter... and she's an American.

Alright, enough with the dreamy shit. Montreal seems to be in full festival swing. The Jazz Festival starts soon, and they've got a beer festival going right now. So as part of the beer fest, which you can assume I'm all about, I show up to hang out with this other chick. She's crazy, and a wreck. So I get there when the thing ends and we Metro it to her place for an indoor bar-b-que (that's how much of a WRECK she is). The beer fest, in case you're wondering (which, for obvious reasons, you weren't), was not warranting of my visit. They pour about 2 ounces of beer per $1 ticket. That's just highly inconceivable. I'd only ever go to check out drunk Quebecoise chicks. Anyway, the indoor bar-b-que was in a part of town called Snowdon or something. I live in a part of town called Verdun. Google Map it. In fact, Yahoo! Map it! Because, inevitibly, the metro closed on me and I had to walk that distance. With plantar faciistis, no less. Good thing I was sufficiently drunk.

Damn! I just wrote, to one of the most aloof human beings I've ever met (who is a teacher) that one has to be, in the classroom, more Hillary Clinton than Albert Einstein sometimes. In other words, I was suggesting she temper knowledge with diplomacy. Man, can I toot my own horn!

Alright. So I know I'm no good for anyone. I'm marginalized by weak self efficacy, advancing age, and a lack of charm. But I have a crush on a girl and it feels so good.

The Creature Feature

2009-06-03T00:29:00.000-05:00

What a fiasco!!!

So I had my first shift as a bike cooperative volunteer. There's bound to be some sort of gaffe, right?

Of course I'm expecting NOTHING to run smoothly. Yeah, ideally, I'd be in this dimly lit room with a bunch of grease monkeys toiling away for a few hours and working those wrenches. I get there on time after sucking down a cup of coffee. I throw on an apron. People throw bikes up on the racks and know most of what they're doing. I point, nod, agree, etc, etc.

Then the problems strike. Women! They show up, they grab tools, and they go to work on their bikes. Problem? Yeah, they're all so cute. Wait. Wait! They're way cuter when they've got grease all over their hands and grit on their cheeks. It's problematic. It's Chernobyl. Free Tibet!

One of the volunteers is so super cute and mentioned something about me being cute (which was obviously her way of being funny), but super nice and it was all exactly what I envisioned of my trip to Montreal (see tags, below).

So, problem? Yes! Yes, yes, yes. So very, very troubling. I'd ask, rhetorically, for someone to shoot me, but Canadians don't wield guns the way Americans do.

Home Slick

2009-06-02T10:01:00.003-05:00

Wow! Bonnaroo is fast approaching and the folks I'm traversing the US Interstate system with to get there are completely excited. I'm more excited about my couple hours return to Brooklyn, but the adult obligations of my Bonnaroo pals are severely limiting my time at home. Alas, my car IS the red eye.

I get a hunch mother dearest is a bit bored or lonely from our phone conversations. She lingers on the horn and grasps at new topics to chit and chat about. I miss my cats. I often find myself playing with the cats at the homes I visit here in Montreal.

But one thing that remains constant between the two, both Brooklyn and Montreal: the miscreants. My first week here, waiting for the night bus that never came, I stood in a bus shelter in the pouring rain next to a homeless man smoking crack out of a pipe. I don't have that keen a sense of smell and couldn't tell you what it smelled like, but had I not seen the rock sizzling in his apparatus with my own eyes, I would have enjoyed my first ever contact crack high.

The peddle crank of my free bike broke yesterday, and today I start working at a bike cooperative. I know zilch about bottom brackets and how a crank set can make a bike better. I went to a meeting of the co-op yesterday and they were bandying bike mumbo jumbo about and cracking bike nerd jokes and all I could think to myself at the time was; "this IS why I came here."

Sunday was free museums day, apparently. I took it upon myself to visit a couple of the city's most obscure. The Darling Foundry and the DHC/ART Museum of Contemporary Art. Seriously, the day was packed with deleriously cute Francophone girls. Now if I could only find it within myself to be more... "forward" with these specimens...

The bagel verdict...

2009-05-27T15:11:00.006-05:00

A Canadian man hopped aboard a NASA rocket and finds himself in outer space. No big deal, yeah? Well, it is a big deal... if you're from Montreal. The guy ordered a boat load of bagels from this place on Fairmount near St. Urbain and the rest is history.

Did you know that little anecdote? Not likely, if you're from bagel-loving New York, where the city undoubtedly boasts the world's best. The Canastronaut was destined to bring Canadian bagels. Seriously, would he have brought maple syrup or Canadian bacon? Only bagels would keep long enough to be consumed at some point down the line and you wouldn't expect him to bring AMERICAN bagels now, would you? For all we know, perhaps he's never even had a New York bagel up until that fateful point in Bagel history. It's sheer bagelnomics my dear, Watsonheim.

Being that I am not moneyed and far from my beloved Brooklyn (and consequently the financially subsidized confines of my mother) I've embarked on quests by the handful in search of cheap and filling foods here in Montreal. Then it hit me! After enduring taunts by various Montrealers about how great the bagels here are, I seem to recall that bagels are quite filling and cheap. Bagels are quite filling and cheap (repeated because someone somewhere thought to him/herself "phew, you could say that again").

The thought hit me at an hour fast approaching midnight, so I summoned my old friend; these here Internets. Apparently, Rocketboy, eh's bagel shop was a 24 hour establishment and with narry a hesitation I entered my coordinates and headed out ("oat"). Yes, the bagels were reasonably priced (less than C$1 each) so I picked up a few and headed to a Provigo for some peanut butter and strawberry preserves. When I got home I reached into my bag of bagels and pulled out a cinnamon-raisin and a plain. Hard as stones! Still, barely deterred, I reached for a breadknife and sliced them in two, popped them in the toaster and applied ample amounts of peanut and strawberry matter. That's the stuff! Like my mother says "You butter your bread real nice, man. All sides."

Okay, so here's the verdict. The bagel itself has so much hole to it and as previously mentioned, it's a hard piece of wheat. Also, if you paid close attention, I had to slice my own bagel. Bagel stores where I'm from have contraptions (expensive, but classy looking things, really) what slice your bagels for you. Also, bagel stores in my parts toast AND do the buttering/jellying/peanutbutter et. al. for you. Fairmount Bagels only bakes you bagels and sells you bagels and bagel provisions (cream cheeses and stuff). Oh yeah, the hole industry works against the bagel consumer. The bagels, too, are smaller. So this all equates to a more expensive, though indirectly so, bagel. There is less bagel and you have to work harder to get it ready for your tongue. But, it IS delicious. They are really, really good. A little sweeter, tougher and chewier, but gumptious. I will say, the New York bagel is the better value. There is less hole and more bagel. New York bagel shops will customize your bagel however you fancy it. New York bagels are softer though I'd imagine a Montreal bagel is easier to tolerate once it has staled. A stale New York bagel is a brick with more practicality as an implement of violence than nutrition. Still, based solely on deliciousness, value and quality, the New York bagel is better in my subjective, Brooklynite mind. A valiant effort by Montreal Jews is not, however, to be ignored. They are delicious and both the main bagel bakers are 24 hour establishments. I've only ever been to Bagelsmith in Williamsburg for a bagel at 3am (but they are an ill representation of the New York bagel as they are overpriced and, frankly, not all that delicious).

It must be noted that I bought better bagels at the supermarket just a couple blocks away from me, but still they are a half notch below a good New York bagel (even a New York supermarket bagel). They're less tough and a slight bit bigger. They're still sweeter (which is nice) and very delicious but probably less edible when not toasted.

It should also be noted that I tend to only eat toasted bagels with stuff on them. I have been able to eat really good New York bagels without any toasting or stuff. I'm afraid to try it with the Montreal bagels as they are much tougher than New York bagels.

While eating my 2am Fairmount Bagel bagels it occured to me what my mother would say. She'd quip that I left New York and drove hours to the Great White Franco for tiny, hard bagels with huge holes. I'd be embarrassed. They're delicious, but certainly no New York bagel.

Growing pairs...

2009-05-25T20:54:00.009-05:00

I wish I truly had a pair. A golden opportunity showed its delightful, glittery face to me today.

I got a bike for free yesterday, but it needed work. So I run to the free bike cooperative at McGill University to look about fixing up my fixer-upper.

I get there and sign in. The volunteer on duty is a little awkward, but I'm one to talk. What with my outward, outgoing personality, I sequester his aid. He helps me and at first seemed to know EVERYTHING. Then, slowly but surely it became evident that he knew lots, but was filling in the blanks as he went. But that's perfect at a do-it-yourself bike cooperative. He gets you started and you get handy and fix your stuff yourself, because the blanks always far outnumber the stuff empirical evidence can support.

The best part, folks... the ladies! They come in droves and they're all hot. And the best part, they're all using tools and have greasy hands and are fixing the hell out of their bikes. Damn, they're so hot. One had an amazing tattoo of musical notes on the back of her hand. Another must've been about 6'2". Then there's the girl from the Scooby Doo cartoons. Well, she shares a name with a character from the Scooby Doo cartoons.

Right, so I notice her working on something. She's there just trying to wrench her heart out, but the bolt isn't budging. I know exactly what that's like. Sometimes elbow grease just does not cut it. So I suggest to her my favorite mechanic's pastime; the cheater rod. That's when you throw a longer bar over your ratchet/wrench and pull! It usually double the amount of torque you apply, depending on the length and in no time we were twisting bolts like no tomorrow on her bike. Thing was, it wasn't benefiting. Nothing was coming apart. Turns out, we were wrenching to the right. "Righty tighty, lefty loosey." Mr. Awkward said I'm wrong, so I go about my business. Scooby Doo comes back over and we exchange quick notes. Turns out, Mr. Awkward was wrong. But I was already too embarrassed to assert myself anymore in that place. I'd already broken the chain on my bike with a half broken tool. Then I broke the tool that broke my bike (accidents). And that was the only such bike chain remove clamp doohickey in the place.

So I opted to courteously remove myself from the premises before being killed. THEN! Ohhhhhh, then... Then the Scooby Doo girl informs me that I owe her a hug upon my departure. Me, sans a pair, was too shy/embarrassed and what have you to get her number. Ouch.

Sick and tired... of being sick and tired

2009-05-24T22:29:00.004-05:00

Wow, it sucks to be ill. This weekend, Montreal found me with physical illness. For one, I've been stricken with plantar fasciitis. Seriously, it hurts to walk and I find myself walking from the Plateau to Verdun every night (because the Metro closes). For those not in the know, that's a trek that often takes a hair under 2 hours and I don't lallygag while I traipse.

Then there is the fever that kept me in bed all day today. It was rough. The sore throat made things none too easy either. Crap! I also went out yesterday (with a sore throat but not too feverish) and played flag football. It was my first athletic contact since arriving in the land of the maple leaf. The first play had me on the floor. I fell and skinned my knee. It hurts. I think the skinned section of knee is infected. But it was also the most fun I've had all month. It's probably been two decades since I fell and skinned my knee. I hope it leaves a scar.

My hand is also swollen from awkwardly trying to intercept a wayward pass. And I get a text from someone who confesses she's at the end of her rope. I refused to give her the time of day.

Back to MY life...

We threw a bar-b-que here at chez Verdun. It was amazing. The roommate cooked up tandoori chicken (all dark meat), and the guests raved and raved. I cooked up burgers which went over well too. The qualifier, however, was the huge-ass Frito pie (a la the Levee) that I cooked up. It beat poutine a lot to none in our very unscientific poll done on the spot with lots of pressure on respondents to nod in agreement.

Oh man, the developments are happening faster than a Parkinsons patient can shake a stick at
'em. ALL the women at the bar-b-que were HOT. And they were so awesome. Except, they were so young and full of promise. And I'm old and crotchety.

Last night, sick, drunk and attempting to wait for the "night bus", I got to talking with another phantom bus awaiter. We spoke of the delightful women here. But in such a way as you'd probably expect from a Canadian. Very cordial, yet altogether engrossing. The word "eh" was bandied about. He once remarked about the "big juicy asses" of the city's Black girls. Long, boring story short, we came to the agreement that the francophone Asian girls were clearly hot in an exotic, anomaly sort of way.

Another night of a thousand footsteps

2009-05-19T18:11:00.005-05:00

The Metro closes well before 2am. Last call is at 2:45am. The incongruousness is evident. Anytime I even half-heartedly attempt night time debauchery, I end up taking a thousand steps... home. Last night was no different.

So one girl invites me to sleep on her couch. I suppose I probably wouldn't mind sleeping on her. But, she was going to take a taxi home. Before I take a taxi to hers, wouldn't I just take one to my BED as opposed to her couch? Yeah, and after footstep number 1, there are only 999 left. That decision was easy.

Monday evenings is Arts & Crafts night at the Cock and Bull. And across the street somewhere is karaoke night, every night. I wound up doing both. Made a Quebecois flag, with two marijuana leaves and two fleur de lys.

Speaking of fleur de lys... I can imagine THAT being my first tattoo.

The weather is making me feel menopausal. One day I'm mowing grass and watching my breath in the air, the next I feel over dressed in... anything. The day after is supposed to be a combination of overcast rainy-ness and bullshit!

So my boss' woman-friend/pseudo wife IS smoking back-to-back whilst nourishing a bun in the oven. And she's already got a disabled child. If ever there were a more apparent case for the woman's right to choose movement, I'd be impressed. At least Philip Morris is guaranteed another generation of customers (if anyone still has any worries about the state of our prospective economy here in North America).

Shows! Right, so marijuana is pervasive. About half of the shows I've been to here in Montreal in May have involved the herb. In fact, I walked down Ste. Catherine which is THE strip for tourists and downtowners alike and caught a lung full of the natural mystic. Right out in the open.

At the Piknic Electronik, the folks were out puffing their brains free. In fact, Ms. Yoga teacher and I asked the event security for a light. He smiled and we had his lighter in our hands BEFORE we even finished asking.

Tired of reading about ME yet? I'm tired of writing about me. I sure am.

(Free time)

2009-05-15T20:45:00.004-05:00

Had a less than great day... the other day. I got "paid" (In Canada, nearly everything gets quotations). Apparently, I make less than minimum. That, friends and obscene blog voyeurs, is an oxymoron.

I had a massive craving for MSG-er-Chinese fried rice. In New York, you just look for the bullet proof glass and a store front with luncheon specials listed. At such greasy spork establishments, you can easily score a pint of salty, yummy vegetable or beef fried rice for under $4. I figured Montreal is full of Chinese (come on, there ARE billions of them running around, right?), so I should be able to find something analogous, within reason. I query my mate Cody who directs me to Marc and Ste. Catherine. There I find Cafe Wok (or was it Wok Cafe?) which had the cheapest prices of the several restaurants of Asian persuasion in the area.

I walk in, find a seat, grab a menu and peruse. Dudes (and dudettes, where applicable), fried rice in Montreal starts at $6.95. I know, it's play money (what's a Canadian Dollar??) but money nonetheless. Alright, so they've got a special on the General Tso's chicken. Comes with a spring roll, rice and... uhm, chicken. I ask the waiter if the chicken was white meat. "Yes" came his reply. Fuck that, I'll have one. Even agreed to chip in an extra $1.50 to make the steamed rice, fried (which only means they sprinkle soy sauce on it to brown it, and crack an ostrich egg or something into it). Well, I'll never eat there again, and I might only never try Chinese in Montreal again. The "white meat" was all skin and fat and dark. The fried rice was all egg (hence the ostrich crack, if you didn't get it). I ate around the chicken and egg, and was still hungry. Waste of $10 (came up to $8.45 and didn't stick around for my change).

Upon walking away from the worst restaurant experience in my life, I nearly cried. The rain was pouring something fierce and I am poor and starving. And no one in Canada is reliable (like waiters) so I had no one to call up and get to come to a good, cheap place with me. Alone. Me.

But I didn't cry. I've too many testicles, apparently.

In the end, Cody found an art vernissage with free cheese, veggies and wine, it stopped raining, and the yoga teacher rang with the most illest idea; a free concert (K-OS) at the Olympic where weed was smoked out in the open while 30 or so burly, strapping security guards stood and inhaled very, very deeply.

Then Friday pops up, the weather is splendid, I worked for ALL of it and the new boss man with the pregnant-pack-a-day-smoker-girlfriend buys me lunch and pays me more for two days work than the other job did for about 4 or 5 days.

St. Hubert has a half sandwhich and soup for $5.55. Got to try that. Maybe that'll be lunch on Sunday.

Basically, my life has devolved into hunting and gathering (beer and food).

Quotation Marcs

2009-05-13T19:02:00.004-05:00

I caught myself giggling ferociously to myself only moments ago. I work for Canadians now. That means instead of working at 7:30am SHARP, I work at "10am". Which means, show up at 10am if you'd like to hang out for a few, first. So I aerate lawns for this chap named Marc. Endearing fellow, really, but quite obnoxious is what he all boils down to. You have to be. See, Marc sells his craft door to door. Porte a porte. Door-to-door sales is a bitch and only the most immune and obnoxious persevere and excel. That's Marc. Anyway, Marc is young and lazy by American standards. So he says I have to be there at 10am, but we never start doing ANYthing until 10:25am at the earliest.

So I went looking for a new gig. And I got one. I got a landscaping gig. The lady calls me bright and early one morning and asks me to come down. I wipe the cold out of my eye and say "ppffftttt, no." So she calls back and got me to come in today. 7:30am she said in the email. I get there at 7:15am. She had this dust-up with the previous help because the guy showed an hour or so late. I'm thinking "that's appropriate, no?" I mean, for Montreal, anyways. Right, so I get there early and shit, only to lallygag until 7:45. Fuckers! I'm there and they're back-to-back chain smoking, Ron and Anika. Funny thing, at 7:40, just before Ron and I take to the road, Anika tells me she doesn't drink, partly because she's pregnant. I now know why Canadians are so flaky and late.

Ron must've burned through 2 or 3 packs of nicotine sticks the nine hours we spent today. My chest is burning. 1 more day. 1 more day.

Why are you doing this to me, O'Canada? And your ladies, hot as they are...? Are they flakers too? This one lady I know is soooooooo lazy. And the yoga teacher, is on a different speed altogether. By right, she gets high praise for not canceling on me. We hung out two or three times. But that's where Canadian reliability ends. Maybe her folks just never smoked while pregnant with her?

'Cause EVERYONE else here does (smoke). They really could use a couple of those New York State Smokers' Quitline commercials. Actually, I'm certain these folks sit around all day and watch television.

Anyway, I'm down on Canadian people, but not yet down on Canada. Besides the flaking and the smoking this place has amazing potential. Unfortunately, I just may have to debride the losers surrounding me.

And I haven't gone crazy...

2009-05-05T19:48:00.004-05:00

The people here... are FLAKY! Maybe it's just that I need people? It could all just be me.

I think I'm making good progress. But then I get flaked on. People are so nonchalant in Canada about doing or not doing things. Which I can almost understand. I think I may be a bit much for people sometimes, especially the Canadians. Eh.

But yesterday I went to Brewtopia. They've got excellent beers and such. So I run for the strongest thing they've got. The Belgium. The bartender lady looks me square in the eye and says "it's strong!" Apparently she's never had a Blithering Idiot. Or a QUAD. Or a Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA. In fact, when/if I get back to the States, I've got to find a 120 and pound it.

Right, so I sit on the Brewtopia terrace and I sip on my half pint of 9% Belgium (by the fucking way, it's the only beer that wasn't a dollar off; it was all day happy hour Monday) and I notice one of the two lesbians looking at me. I really thought I was mistaken. But then from down below two other girls called up to me and asked if I'd seen a girl with short jean shorts walk pass. The lesbians got very keen on me now and started whispering to one another. Baffled, they called to me about 8 minutes later to ask if the girls were asking about a short girl going into the bar. Without giving them the mind-your-own-business-bitches face, I humored them and told them they were wrong-ola. But they started to chat me up, I invited myself over to their table and we made a good hour out of it. We exchanged numbers and had a mega cool Montreal conversation. This sort of shit is exactly why I came here. And one of them was really searing hot. But a lesbian.

Sooooo. I'm pretty sure I'll never see them again. That's how these folkses work.

WAIT! As I'm typing, a Canadian has rung me. Yoga teacher. Wants to go to some sort of improv. Says she's tired or something. BUT, I've got something to do. So I'll ship off now. I'll add a pic to this post upon my return.

Joie de Vivre

2009-05-04T12:23:00.004-05:00

The Canadian Centre for Architecture (Centre Canadien d'Architecture) had a massive fete! They opened at 11am Samedi and closed at 7am Dimanche. Yeah, I took part. Yeah, I made a huge piece in the build your own museum workplace. I called it La File and had anyone who took part, and who wanted to, sign it. It was a hit. So naturally I became an instant ladies magnet.

I've also discovered that if the Francophones (women) see that an Anglo (me) is trying to learn French, they like him. So I've got a strategy. And a couple friends. And a beer-a-day in the park habit. And pictures. They'll be on MySpace soon. And a link will exist to the right... eventually.

The picture is from my walk home. At 5:30 am on Sundays, the Metro opens. Which means that after I got breakfast and wanted to retreat to my humble abode, I needed to walk. So I hiked it. I had to cross this canal (La Chine Canal, I believe) at maybe 5am. I saw it and I immediately felt like I live here. Fuck, it's going to be hard to have to leave.

Je habite le Montreal

2009-05-01T23:40:00.003-05:00

It's been forEVER folks, hasn't it?

Every so often, I high tail it to somewhere with some sort of obscure allure. This time I took directly to the Great White North in search of... meh, I wish I knew what I came in search of (other than French Canadian women) or why.

Alls I know is that I've embarked on a new adventure and among my most frivolous goals are learning "le langue" and meeting and slaying the many French Canadian "femmes". Slaying may be going a wee bit too far, eh? Okay, maybe embarking on a few... if you know what I mean. You know what I mean? You know what I mean!

Alright bitches! Here we go.

So I get here on a Tuesday. It's Friday and already I've had a night where I drank about 8 glasses of wine and peddle home on a BMX that's far too small in a torrential downpour, and drank beer in the park. Pictures to follow. Sooner rather than later.

Good Karma

2007-09-01T15:05:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so in case you're wondering if it's Christmas yet...

And I must say, in the Fuck It! post, I was pretty upset but still feeling good for some odd reason. So I left you all with some good karma. Then, I turn around and a bunch of half decent/good things started happening. And that's where I'm standing now. Moral of the post: just love.

Because of this, my coworkers (who, by the way, couldn't ever be more amazing) think I'm the sentimental one.

Today I'm feeling:

almost very good

A Girl named "Peggy" and sangwiches

2007-08-31T11:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's clear I'll never catch up. Nor will I live a very productive and happy life. But I must say that I do absolutely LOVE the vast majority of my coworkers, and I hate myself for it. Ms. Davis has invited me out to drink and fraternize with the colleagues on a couple of occasions and I have not once regretted it. I'm sorry I've been neglecting my readers, but I'm working full time for the first time in my entire life and I absolutely am crazy about the folks I work with. All except for one lousy manager. And even another manager has asked me to overlook the one lousy manager (who, by the way, actually interviewed me). This is the same job I interviewed for and cursed during the interview. This is the same job I sat through and got a text message in. It's fucking amazing. A guy asked me the other day if I actually got paid to work there. I just finished my second week of full time employment, in my life, plus I'm maintaining a rapport with the Koreans I tutor, and I feel totally in place.

And then there's Ms. Davis, who I'm not related to because she's apparently Lithuanian. She invited me the first time, when we became the 2's booze crew... and was the only skirt the second time we went debauching and was totally chill with it. What girl would be down for the cause like that without any wet blanket tendencies? Not a dame exists... except Ms. blue-haired Davis. Of course half the entourage is homosexual... but meh!

Today I'm feeling:

An intense crush on a girl named "Peggy."

Fuck it!

2007-08-30T23:52:00.000-05:00

Name that missing vowel. Oh, there's a consonant on the loose too.

Fuck it, I'll admit it. I love everybody! I LOVE you. Even though I'm "learning" every time I turn the corner. And by learning, I mean the hard way. And by the hard way, I mean by paying for it. It seriously is like tu-fucking-ition.

And I've got a sinus infection. The facial pain is immense. No Leila, it's not sympathy pains either. And I love you. Big hugs.

Today I'm feeling:

Amorous

Subtitled

2007-08-29T22:03:00.000-05:00

You think you know a person...

So this woman I tutored, a Spanish national, stars in a feature fucking film! Belen Rueda, I recognized the name in the opening credits the moment it popped up. Holy shit, I taught her [some] English. Yes, it was her and she was awesome in the film. El Ofanato. The Orphanage. It's like I was the personal language coach to a Hollywood star. Go me.

And Phisoderm. Generally, the best facial soap I've ever used in my entire life. I go without it for a couple months, and I break out like mad. Pimple here, pimple there to start. Then it's a full on face full of pock marks and bumps. It's only alleviated by one thing. Phisoderm bar soap. I even tried the liquid stuff after I realized no brick and mortar retailers carry it 'round these here parts. Then I read the reviews. And I felt like I was no longer alone in this world. Just for that minuscule, fleeting moment.

And, the best thing in life: Tegan and Sara apparel, their latest EP and their trailer talk videos on MySpace.com. I'm such a lesbian in a past life.

Today I'm feeling:

like real Sean

lemme update ya

2007-08-28T22:56:00.000-05:00

My people, what's up!?!?!?!?!

It's been a while. I've resumed playing basketball and boy, where has my conditioning gone? Hit the track the day after to try and recoup my long lost breath, and my knee is mush. Nothing. So I applied for this full time job that gives full benefits from day one, without a probationary period. My goal being to get my knee looked at. Not sure if that will work out, but I'll see.

Movies? I saw BadLand and balled tears. Man did I cry. I was Jerry, the main character. Depressed man that he was, I was almost everything he is. Go see it. Except if you're a woman. The women in the theater didn't like it at all.

Today I'm feeling:

Manic

AntiDepressant

2007-08-27T01:12:00.000-05:00

This is the worst time of year for me. Admittedly, I'm at my lowest just as the calendar is about to read "December". Thankfully, my people have been aces. Maykin, who I've showered with constant sound advice for the past couple months gave me a ring today just to have me come over and do something. The other night, he bought me some fried rice and we played pool on his dime. I spoke to a good, great, grand friend in Kansas tonight too. It's funny, but just thinking about her puts the biggest, brightest smile on my face. It's weird, but she's a completely platonic friend who I associate with nothing more than smiling. And, of course there are the new folks. The weird short Russian friend of mine who is such a pleasure to be around, or the eccentric organic head with the ornate forehead jewelry and the penchant for ostentatious rings. And then there are my friends who are fairly new, though we're very familiar. Like Jenny, who I love to bits. Or Lindsey, who I only know through iChat but we'll inevitably share oxygen at some point in the future. Good times friends.

A friend recently admitted to me she really wants to quit cursing. I thought about it and responded in a way that shocked even me. Sometimes, I really outdo myself. I told her to keep cursing, citing it's emotional efficacy. These were earnestly wise words. It frustrates the soul when, in speaking to someone, a flat affect or a blank stare meets you in response to your input. However, a failsafe way to ensure a reaction, even though it'll more than likely always be a negative response, is to curse. We know when we curse people respond poorly. But why do we curse? Is it out of habit? Really? Why pick up the habit? I'll tell you why, because we, as people, the grand communicators we are, need feedback. We need to know, definitively, that what we've conveyed was in fact received by our intended audience. It feels good, if even in the subconscious. That's why we talk, after all. To be heard. And nothing elicits a response like one of those forbidden four letter words. From childhood we've been dared to use 'em. And from childhood, it was one of the best ways to NOT be ignored or drowned out. Curse and someone will say something to you. Or show emotion. It's almost guaranteed. Honestly, being ignored has far harsher consequences than merely being looked at as obnoxious because of our choice of language. It shocked me to the point the shock truly has yet to wear off that I was capable of this thought. Man, do I ever give sound advice. Moral of the story, any reaction qualifies your existence. It's better for the spirit to be acknowledged, than to be. I'm not saying the verbal abuse tirade should be a daily ritual, but I will implore everyone to see the value in being acknowledged and chose tactful situations for the use of the lowbrow language.

Today I'm feeling:

qualified

Natalie, from Kansas, and I talked about Kate Tucker and the Sons of Sweden with great glee. For that, today's recommended listening is linked. Please feel free to listen to the new album, in its entirety, for free! Over and over and over again. It's the soundtrack to today's post.

Defeat

2007-08-26T20:43:00.000-05:00

Fall 2007 on Eastern Pkwy, B'klyn, NY

I can't shake this feeling of defeat. I'm going backwards in like everything I do. Money is being spent faster than it's being made, though I hear everyone shares that complaint, and my own self efficacy is constantly eroding with each glimpse in the mirror.

Them shits need to be shattered.

My Thanksgiving dinner plate overflowed with yum yum food, but it gave me the runs. And when I had left overs today, more belly running.

And to all this seasonal cheer, I say fuck it.

Today I'm feeling:

defeated

Career Update

2007-08-25T20:26:00.000-05:00

Chris and G

Okay, so Sean can scratch office job off his list of potential career paths. I fell into a grove and it was okay, the Yale Club of New York City, with its moneyed members and sticklers for detail. But it felt bad to be idle with so many busy bodies pacing all around me. Certainly not a match for teaching. I guess that's what I call a career update. All the while, I make my mother so much more disappointed in me. We had a talk the other day. She said my father told her outright to get an abortion when she fessed up and said Boy Sean was on the way. The biggest disappointment to me, as far as I alone am concerned, is that she was warned or at least informed and still decided to have me. Women are indeed crazy. Thankfully, I've not come across a woman loose enough in mind to bear me a youngun. And if she did, like my mother she'd, in the future, rue the day.

"Water always seeps to its own level."
Anonymous

Today I'm feeling:

rued

Ten fold

2007-08-24T19:12:00.000-05:00

The Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center in NYC

I interviewed the other day for a job I thought I'd actually like. But I blew it. I received a text message in the interview as well as spewed an expletive. Yuck. Actually, I think that was quite uncharacteristic of me. But I acknowledge that there's no way I deserve that gig. So onward and perhaps downward I say!

The thing is, it's quite depressing to be so flippin' worthless, and although I realized that I'm worthless a long time ago, it still boggles the mind that every so often I still try. And when I fail, which by nature is inevitable, I get wholly depressed. Like I wasn't depressed to begin with. So I took a very much lesser job to occupy my mind for a couple weeks. In the process I will up my miserable quotient maybe ten fold. And then I'll use the proceeds to help pay for some long over due body work on my automobile. And this all blows.

Today I'm feeling:

on the periphery

Entertainment Man

2007-08-23T23:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this time around I have 4 movies on the docket.

I saw:

What would Jesus buy?, a low budget indie film produced (or rather financed/fronted) by Morgan Spurlock (of Supersize me fame). It wasn't exactly a thrill ride, but was a film with a different look into the world of consumerism. It gave us no real sense of why the Church Of Stop Shopping wanted us to not shop. The Church is a comedy ensemble that travels the country to perform and encourage consumers to do less consuming. It was funny at times, but mostly missed the mark. I'd recommend you all skip this one.

The Mist has got to have the world's worst acting. The screenplay was adapted from the Stephen King novel or story or what have you. The emotion is off center and the sentiment is never real. The effects and lighting needed some work and the only thing that redeems this film is its surprise and shocking ending. The characters never really endear themselves to you and it's hard to overlook bad acting. I'd recommend you all skip this one.

Love during the time of cholera was missing something. Someone in line for another movie I saw said that it would have been more authentic and better had it been in Spanish and I must say that I agree. With it all, I couldn't really tell where its heart lies. Is it a love story? A comedy? A drama? A chick flick? And it was so cheesy at times. Yucky! Still, it was entertaining, if less than wholesome. I'd recommend you catch this on late night cable in a couple years' time.

Beowulf was, well, Beowulf. It hearkened back to the bad 300 movie experience, except that Beowulf was great. It has a real epic story with soul, edge, sensuality, and direction. The dialog never grates and the art style really meshes well with this film. A true hero film with a man who projects himself as larger than life until things start to unravel and (potential spoiler) he has to admit, with a heavy heart, that he too is flawed. It's great in 3-D as it is in IMAX form as I'd imagine. It was a totally fun experience. Go see this thing.

Today I'm feeling:

Like Roeper

Rosey

2007-08-22T14:40:00.000-05:00

Marital Bliss

So I scoped a little of the Charlie Rose show the other night, while drunk of course. Of course. Charlie was interviewing Jay-Z and I must say, Rose is the most impressive interviewer I have ever seen. It was a clinic on how to interview. The poise and preparation was impeccable. Rose asked all the right questions and elicited the most candid responses. Furthermore, he made Jay-Z talk about his lyrical content. NO ONE does that. All these hip hop oriented blow hards (read: Angie Martinez, Funk Master Flex and their ilk) simply are awe inspired and merely pamper such an artist. They never get any introspect. They are merely satisfied that the music has a good sound. Never probe about the meanings of anything specifically. Rose was a class act. He had Jay quote lines and talk about their meanings and the reasoning behind writing the songs. Sincerely the best performance by a journalist I have ever witnessed in my life. Sincerely. Catch that shit on YouTube or something.

"So I sipped some Michelobe slow and had to write this poem/
when I saw Hov getting right with Charlie Rose/
two of America's most talented pros, it was even better soaked/
Sauced, whatever, that shit was boss/
a black man that lacked slang outside of the courts/
a little promo for the feature American Gangster/
made me think back to how I preyed on people like an American pastor/
but I usurp any patterns and only when inspired do I pen a rap verse/
never been one for money and maybe that hurts/
happiness I aspire from the cradle to the black hearse/
but to achieve that mess, I guess sadness I'd have to find first/
I've been typing for a little over 6 minutes, but I'm done now, my mind swerved"
Luxembourg Sean 2007

Today I'm feeling:

sanctimonious

Les Savy Fav has a nice song out... Party like the year before 2000.

American Pastor

2007-08-21T10:01:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's not me and it's the camera? I haven't been posting because all my photos turn out like shit lately if I even bring my camera along. I can't believe this. All my photos are so fucking blurry!

Looks like I was too drunk to ride the train this morning. I heard some Starbucks employees chatting loudly, so I waltz over and asked them to speak up so I could actually hear everything. Then, on their way off the train, I offered them some Asian porn. Don't ask.

So the mother bear is in the promise land. So I bought an unlimited ride Metrocard and decided to ride the train once a day at least. I ended up seeing three movie screenings, with a 4th on the docket tomorrow.

Here are my short ass synopses:

P2: Don't see this garbage. Thrill ride my ass. The evildoer is just a lonely, sick jerk and the acting leaves much to be desired. It's almost too predictable at times.

Signal: See this shit only if you got a kick out of the latest Tarantino flick or 28 Days Later. It's that eerie. Three vignettes by three different directors progressing the same "story". I enjoyed it and you might too, honestly. Especially the part in the second vignette where the character, Jim Parsons, talks about his plans to just pee in a girl's butt for New Year's. The third and final vignette spoils the movie and is just plain bad. It's devoid of any clear vision and just runs with the gory theme without any personality. They saved the worst for last. Still, it'll be worth a dvd rental whenever the hell it's available in that format.

Juno: Not as great as it's being billed. But, if you go see the screening, you get a free t-shirt and that just can't be beat (except that by going to the Signal screening, you get a energy drink and a free shot at the "after party"). Outside of the freebie the movie has a superb story. The writing is suspect as the dialog is conspicuously contrived, but that's the appeal of the film. Apparently, Juno is a smart lipped precocious 16 year old who reminds me, vividly, of Darlene Connor of the Roseanne sitcom of the '80's. Her slick mouth, unlike Darlene's, endears her to everyone around her. I'm obsessed with her Converse in the movie too. I wish I could find them in stores or online somewhere. Anyway, the actress who plays Juno, Ellen Page, is just plain boss. She truly is gifted and gorgeous. Prototypical girl next door, tomboy, gorgeous. And funny. Especially whilst toting a jug of Sunny Delight. The movie itself is cute and sweet.

Today I'm feeling:

critical

Pick it up

2007-08-20T22:25:00.000-05:00

"This girl called me up and said "you should come over, no one's home!" So I get there, and no one was home."
The Solipsist

Dear Luxembourg,

I have a problem. My life is backwards. I can't seem to get this ship to float in the right direction. It keeps going into the wind. I bought a gun the other day, but all it shoots is water. I bought a camera too, and all its photos are taken as negatives. All! And it's digital.

My job is the pits. In the evenings, on my commute home, the only thing running through my mind is the fact that I have to do this waspish act again in the morning. My morning coffee is lightened with fits of depression.

The only highlight of my life, so far, was this one book I'm reading and in fact, I'm writing you because I just finished it.

Please help me.

Sincerely,

Loathsome in Lubbock

Dear Loathsome,

I'll be honest, dawg. Push-ups. Do them in the morning when you get up; do them in the evening before you settle into bed. You'll find that, before long, your upper body is strapping. But it doesn't have to end there, you can start working on your legs too.

If that doesn't help, inject passion into your life with some other interest. Take a course in capoeira. Take an art class. You're a man right? Find where the local women hang out! That's not to say that you should start shopping for women's shoes all of the sudden, but it wouldn't hurt to stop in a shoe store one day. Maybe survey a few of the shopping women and find out why they're buying shoes today. Or just ask the salesperson. If it's to go clubbing, well buddy, you've got to go clubbing. If they're for church, find God. If they're for work, find out what kind of work, and change careers.

If you're a woman, by happenstance of course, try getting a gym membership. Not into muscle heads? Try the supermarket. It's true, single men have to shop for themselves. Where better to meet some new men than in the express line, just be sure to leave the coupons at home and only pick up 12 items or less.

I hope some of this helps. If it doesn't, there's always meth.

Best,

Luxembourg

Today I'm feeling:

the panache

Image Deleted

2007-08-20T21:24:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling kind of panicky! Why? Nobody's home. Actually my "brother" is home, which means that nobody is home. He's repulsive in a way that transcends "siblings" not getting along. I really do not like him. Really. It irks me to be here while he's here. I hate it when he's here and my mother is in the house, but I really can't stand it here when it's just me and him. For many reasons! And it may seems trivial, but for starters, the television is on so loud right now, it is as if I LIVE at the movies. Which is totally unfair. I'm going to scowl. But I'm going to suck it up. My life is going to turn to shit for the next two weeks, but I'm going to soldier up. I'm just saying.

Last time it was just me and him, he almost burned down the house. I'm just saying.

I'm finishing up my Jew research tomorrow, which is ironic because my mother will be beginning her trip to Israel tomorrow. Zaheer asked me if I was worried. Dumb question I reasoned. I'm really not. Because what if something happens? And I'm like what? You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying.

"I always pick all the wrong things to say"
Nicole Atkins on Kill the headlights

Today I'm feeling:

like I'm not trying hard enough here

Rest in Peace... Piglet

2007-08-19T12:57:00.000-05:00

Piglet! ????-2007

They say life is fleeting, and no where is that more evident than when we lose a loved one. And Piglet is indeed loved. She came into our lives with the sole purpose of making a lasting, loving bond and though it couldn't last forever on this Earth, the bond remains for eternity, if in the hereafter.

You're home now Piglet and I'll be sure to see you later. In the meantime, and in between time, may the green leaf lettuce field runeth over in that big green pasture in the sky!

Today I'm feeling:

for a salad!

In memory of Piglet

Pure fuckery

2007-08-18T22:06:00.000-05:00

Living in the Fire Lane

Sorry about the dearth of postings y'all. Truth be told, my excuse this time is my lack of photos. It's hard for me to grab the camera and go now-a-days. I got too many devices as it is and I loathe carrying extra shit. And, in the process, I miss capturing the hot shit.

So I needed a job man. I needed one for real. Something to occupy my mind more than stuff my malnourished, concave pockets. The funny thing is that my mind is the opposite of my bank statement. My mind is obese with ponderings and chock full of food. It's like the Thanksgiving dinner of my being. It seems like not a moment passes where I'm not enveloped in 3 or 4 simultaneous, engrossing yet demonic thoughts.

So back to the gig I went to grab. It was an ESL tutoring thing at BMCC, Manhattan's community college. I showed up early, prepared and the whole nine yards. And I landed it. But the pay is miserable, the hours are fleeting and the fact that they needed me to shell out $75 on fingerprints turned me the fuck off. I declined the job. Seriously, to pay for the fingerprints would take more than a week's wages. Furthermore, they want my biometrics. I'm not with that shit. I wouldn't be teaching, nor working with minors. This is a fucking college! What the fuck is up with that wack shit, dawg?

Took Maykin out to the club. Figured the prospect of new skins might get his mind off his failed (for the time being) relationship. That guy is so uncool at times. His buddy calls him at 2am and wanted him to go way uptown to watch him perform at 4am. 4am? Obviously, he doesn't play that well to get stuck in a 4am time slot. So this guy gets way aggravated with me because he wanted me to drive him back to my place for him to pick up his ride and go over yonder. But I was drunk, and at a club full-o-bitches. Had to brush his punk ass off and gravitate to someone celebrating a birthday or something. Fuck it. What would y'all do?

Welcome to me, you little iVoyeurs!

Today I'm feeling:

Like the king size bed that always gets slept on!

You were all I need!

2007-08-17T22:06:00.000-05:00

"Yes Boris!" Many years ago, I worked at Macy's here in Brooklyn as one of the guys who marked down prices. I would meander around the store, scan shit, and mark their prices down. It was monotonous and the pay was miserable, but it came with some outrageous perks. The team I worked for was afforded some long breaks, there was tons of overtime (which I didn't appreciate, but it was so far from home that when I just didn't want to be bothered with the long ride I stayed on the clock until I couldn't take it anymore). Fear not, I rarely worked overtime. I once went to the movies while on the clock. The funny thing is, my wage after taxes for those 2 hours barely covered the price of my movie ticket. Had I bought any snack, which I didn't, I would've been in the red for that number.

But the best perk of all, as a young man disillusioned by thoughts that I might one day make something of myself, was the opportunity to socialize. With all sorts of people. Mostly my Black people. I've come a little ways since then and, admittedly, see things in a whiter hue, if you will, now (I want to say "no prejudice" but I really would hate myself for lying). Still, this was important to the development of my thinking and personality. Anyway, one of the more personality infused characters that I had the opportunity of socializing with was a Jamaican named Boris. There's a heavy accent on the first syllable of his name. I still remember saying "yes Boris" with a huge grin every time I saw the man. He was always pissed about some thing. One over night shift we worked together, we walked up to a McDonald's drive-thru a few blocks away and Boris ordered a fish sandwich (he didn't touch the other types of dead animal). I don't know, the McDonald employees were having a tough night and didn't give poor Boris his fish sandwich promptly enough. I still chuckle to myself everything I recall what Boris did next. He didn't complain too loudly, just hocked and spat square into the face of the manager on duty. Go Boris.

Anyway, all that to say I kind of like the sound of the name Boris. There's also Boris Diaw of the Phoenix Suns and Boris Karloff, the horror flick actor of a few decades ago. Not a bad name. It's currently the most likely name I'd consider if I had to name a boy child. Maybe it's all for the best that I won't be naming any children, not in this lifetime.

On second thought, I don't really care for the name all that much.

"I'm in the middle of your picture"
Radiohead on All I need

Can't get this fucking song out my head.

Today I'm feeling:

like this brain of mine is all I need

Anti-Doting

2007-08-16T00:08:00.000-05:00

"Never!" Okay, there, I said it!

I was riding the J train. Spotted a hottie. She was on a T-Mobile Sidekick, so I knew she was young. I got off at the Junction to hop on the L. So too did she. I got a seat on the platform. She decided to stand. I was like, come hither, chick. And she was like, come hither, fellow. I won. She sat next to me. She was cute. Really cute. Had a hoop ring in her lip. Wore Earthy tones. Had some camouflage shoes and a handbag to match. But young. And talked so lovely. Borderline talked my fucking head off. So nice. So very, very nice. I loved that she just openly talked to me about everything. Like how she goes to high school. Well, not everything... we only rode the train together for maybe 10 minutes. She complimented my style. I complimented her style. It worked well, the two of us. But, alas, I'm 10 years older than she is. But, I'm a 27 year old 18 year old so maybe we're the same age? But we aren't. And so I didn't get her number or her AIM. If I did, she'd probably IM me on that horrid device anyways. So I carried on for the rest of my day with a smile. I went to the Center for Jewish History as planned, then tutored a sick Su, then came home for a spell and on to the Nicole Atkins live show. She mingled in the fucking crowd the whole time. She was like one of us. And she had no security detail and no one hovered over her. It was sick. The way things should be. And now I'm all puckered with the liquid courage and about to hit the sack. Can you motherfuckers say "good day"?

Today I'm feeling:

grateful Brooklyn isn't really on fire

Not minding my business

2007-08-15T06:31:00.000-05:00

Like I don't have enough love woes of my own. I helped my road dawg move out of his now ex-girlfriend's homestead. Nice place, I might add. I could see how he got so comfortable there. He said he did have some home improvement done to the place in his short time there, about 2 years. He said it was him what made the place so livable. But in all truth, the motherfucker did look comfty. But anyway, helped him move his fucking weights set and all the other crap garbage out of the place. It was like the 3rd time I moved all that shit. He used to keep it at my place. So we moved some of the shit to storage and some to his bro's place.

It turns out, he was blackballed out the place. According to him, her mother conspired to have him vacate. But the ex-girlfriend was with it too. He swears up and down that's it. He's done. Then, the very same evening... can you guess what happened? She phones him! Says she just wondered if they could go out. Like that night. Like on a date. Like... are they dating? What a confused bitch. So anyway, they didn't have a big huge argument or anything, she just peacefully gave him the boot. You kick someone out like that, in a nice amicable way, then want to hang out? What, does she feel guilty? For now, he wasn't with it. But I see them mending this some how in due time. I know this though, I'm not moving shit back into that apartment.

Ooh, Rag and bone by the White Stripes... pretty interesting track. Give it a whirl.

Today I'm feeling:

like hip hop is dead, damn!

I've gotta start minding my own damn business.

Music is my hot, hot sex

2007-08-14T06:21:00.000-05:00

More on CSS! Apparently, they're named "I'm tired of being sexy." You sons of bitches!

Nicole Atkins and The Sea is releasing Neptune City on October 30th. I predict it will be a debut for the ages. I've heard the leak over at mtvu.com and I must admit, it's worth my dollars and I'm a stingy bastard. She's like Amy Winehouse, with less pipes (both the voice box kind and the crack pipe kind).

Okay, off to better understand the Jews.

Today I'm feeling:

shalom

Pacheco de Melo

2007-08-13T00:18:00.000-05:00

I'll be helping Maykin move his belongings in a few hours. He was with this broad for 4 years. They were a staple, in my lives as well as their own. I busted their asses in pool countless times. Joked with 'em too. Ppppfffffttttt! They're stupid. So silly. Any-fucking-way...

Y'all seen the latest iPod Touch commercial? Wondering "hey, what's the name of that song so I could illegally download it or some shit?" Well, uncle Lux gotcha! It's called Music is my hot, hot sex and it's by CSS, a group of Brazilian wanna be pop stars.

Speaking of music... I can't shake this Alicia Keys' song out my head either. Her singles absolutely rock. I'm not really big on R&B. It's my least favorite genre of all the music genres I can tolerate. But Alicia always finds a way to make me rock. Plus she's a sweet bitch.

Today I'm feeling:

like everything's gonna be alright!

Quippin'

2007-08-12T08:11:00.001-05:00

Got my car fixed yo. Sort of. Bought the passenger side mirror and put that bitch in myself. Broke up lots of clips in the process and had to order new ones. Then I have to see someone about repairing the fender before it starts 'a rustin'. I'm getting to be a little handy man.

And on to Maykin. I really don't know what the full story is behind him and his sweetheart, but he's been trying to get inside her for sometime now. I guess make up sex. No, I know make up sex. But it ain't been happenin'. They live together and they're not together. How fucking awkward. I wish I could help them out, but he's hard headed as hell. So she's into wearing new clothes like long sleeved blouses and skirts to her knees. And she goes straight home after work and school. And she goes to church for hours on Sunday. And she forbids him from going out late at night. Sounds like my kinda woman. Sort of. Moving right along: she covers up when they're in the sack. They're both hurting incredibly. And I'm here airing out their fucking business. But seriously, I warned him that he's not going to win this "argument." I told him to just spend an hour with her on Sunday in church to let her know that he at least is willing to try. He obstinately refuses. So, my dude, if you can't even put your small toe forward, stop with all the acting and move on. My advice.

Today I'm feeling:

sage-like.

The soothsayer of smooth players.

Go thither!

2007-08-11T22:47:00.000-05:00

Real word, man. "Go thither." So, after you say "come hither" in your sexiest possible voice, and you get that freak in your clutches, you instruct them to "go thither," maybe into the kitchen for some edibles, or you'll say "don't go thither" if you need their warmth for the night.

Pay me the littlest of mind. I'm really just talking that shit now.

Smif N Wesson. I could usually count on them to provide that real, head knocker, hip-hop in its prime, grungiest of grungy, something I could smoke to music. So when I heard their latest was dropping, I quickly ran to the discount music store to cop that. I'm seriously disappointed. Not only does it not shine, I don't shine. I'll give it another couple listens before I consider my $10.83 down the drain, but it doesn't look like a drought breaker. Shame too, their last joint, Reloaded, was cooked.

Today I'm feeling:

relevant!

Member services

2007-08-10T11:43:00.001-05:00

Anyone else having the weirdest dreams of late? Is it just me? The weirdest shit man, sincerely.

I must be the least bored, most broke, jobless man on the planet. Ugh!

I'm canning the quotes for now. It's just repelling me from writing posts. I dread the lyric thing. I'm just going to let loose. Like I used to.

Found this amazing hole in the wall Thai restaurant in Williamsburg that I just have to review for you. It's called Khao Sarn Thai Cuisine on the south side. Not overly expensive; they've got lunch specials for $5.95. I took two of my former students (Taiwanese), Amzad and the ever so heart broken Maykin. All but one of my Taiwanese students raved and gave it 5 stars. I thought it was awesome too, though I'm partial towards Thai food. The Massaman Curry with chicken, which is what I had, was indeed remarkable. I had it spicy. We also had a salad with vegetarian duck. I thought all ducks were vegetarians, but apparently not. It was salty and Maykin said it tastes like chicken, but it wasn't bad. The ambiance and decor was cheap and bordering on tacky, but the food and service, though a smidgen slow, made up for it. I give it a 'highly recommended' rating.

Today I'm feeling:

cool

OMG

2007-08-09T22:54:00.000-05:00

Amzad at the pumpkin patch/apple farm

Oh, my, gosh! I love Leila Vine. And... she's going to be on NPR 'pon the 'morrow! That's 10/17/2007 for all of yous who aren't in the know. That's for you fellow New Yorkers. It's 7am. Set your alarm clocks. Don't be lummoxes!

"father forgive me for my sins/
but I'm a raise hell to the bitter end/
I'm a soldier boy"
Billy Danz of M.O.P. on Ready for war by Busta Rhymes

Today I'm feeling:

the usual

Land...

2007-08-08T18:32:00.000-05:00

What helps offset a Monday Night Football game interrupted by such garbage as The Hills and The Weeds or Heroes or what ever crap that was last night is the $2.46 per gallon rate I got at the pump in New Jersey. I hear fuel is fast approaching $100 per barrel. Once it crests that mark, I doubt it'll get any lower. It sucks to own a gasoline powered car.

I got a new primary care provider. This person is a D.O.. I once worked, extensively with (though it was more like for) a D.O.. They're certainly different creatures. Certainly. But it may be worthwhile to pay my new doc a visit.

Moammar Ghadafi, the big wig in Libya, is a titillating topic. His country will be inducted into the United Nations Security Council in January. Personally, I see Ghadafi as a better leader than the current crop here in the U.S.. Include, too, the bunch in the running for 2008 and Ghadafi looks really good.

And Carol Costello. What a hot chick. I've loved her ever since she anchored CNN's early morning newscasts a few months ago, but recently she did a piece on Crosby and Nash's protesting the war in Iraq. She is so beautiful for a woman her age. For a woman any age, actually. I wonder who does her hair? And her piece was good. The point of the piece, essentially, is that the Bush administration has alienated people against Bush or his war by labeling them as being something other than patriotic. In other words, it's un-American to see things any other way. And that blows.

"As far as Jack can figure it-and God knows he's given this plenty of thought-these people are rarely required to adapt in the environment that breeds them. If something breaks down, they call someone to fix it. Something goes wrong, and there's someone who will come make it right: a repairman, a doctor, a lawyer. The culture that's developed in America and societies like it, says Jack, breeds dependency, liability, blame. He hates to say it, but the safer you make a society, the softer the people become."
Michael D'Orso speaking of the Hotel Galápagos' manager Jack Nelson in Plundering paradise: The hand of man on the Galápagos Islands.

Today I'm feeling:

jacked up

Schpielberg

2007-08-07T03:18:00.000-05:00

Just got back from a day in the field. I mean, since that's what I'm calling it. It's so funny. I met up with a couple trying to get this game of ultimate frisbee going. And the woman asks me what I do. And I give her my schpiel about how I'm an artist, but the type that creates art she'd never understand. She took me seriously. Even after I explained that I'm not really an artist. Even after I told her that I sometimes teach English.. I should have ran with it. Then told her my story of how I once saved 13 kittens from a burning building in Toledo. Or was it Wheeling? Like I'd know, it never really happened.

So that's what I've decided to do. Invent scenarios that paint me more ambitiously and fascinatingly.

In the end, we didn't get to play much frisbee. Moral of the story, if you're going to lie about who you are, make it interesting. Make it interesting.

"Love is like cheese, it stinks."
Something I thought about saying to Maykin, until I thought better of it.

Today I'm feeling:

good like you wouldn't understand

Great timing. I think things are much worse than they seem. Things around me, of late, are wrought with such good timing. I can't complain... for the immediate future. Wouldn't mind getting my car fixed though.

Shot love

2007-08-06T20:56:00.000-05:00

Contrasts

My dawg Maykin has been restless for the past couple weeks. Every weekend he'd come down to Brooklyn from his homestead in Washington Heights, and want us to hang out. That's cool, because I had a low Maykin diet for maybe the last year or so. Maybe even longer. 2 years and change, actually. We were close. Not close as your left and right leg, but close nonetheless. So, I should have read the writings on the wall. I was busy just writing in my blog and dealing with my own plethora of contemplatables. But all the while, Maykin was stewing. His now regular friendship was unnoticed. And it culminated a couple days prior when he told me he and his fiancé had called it quits. I'm sure this isn't the first time they'd broken up. But this time is peculiar, particularly because of Maykin's actions. Only, I needed to see them in hindsight to notice how peculiar his actions actually were. See that? I'm trying a little alliteration. Haven't quite mastered it, but I'm gungho about giving it a go. Back to Maykin and Bernice. They've been in one another's pocket for 4 years and it's bit sharp when he just told me she's not listening to him even though he tried to get back on her good side. I'm wondering what was going on these previous weeks where'd he'd come by and want to chill. Where's his mind? What happened? What's happening? They lived together, in her mom's apartment. I know it's a real deal break up because he's moving out. Now the brain gears are churning. Was Bernice and her mom just tired of Maykin? He's in school, and trying hard to make something of himself. That and he works full time. He's also on the verge of landing a gig on the police force. Did they really think he took to long to situate his "family"? Or was it something else? Maykin tells me she decided to become Christian now and doesn't want Maykin to hang out at clubs or do this and that, as he puts it. I'm trying to fill in the blanks here. I know too well how these things fall apart but I'm too far removed from it this time. I've walked into the sunset.

So Maykin's birthday was yesterday. He was supposed to call me and we were going to go to a strip club or some shit like that. Now I'm really not a fan of giving women my money like that (or like anyway for that matter unless a bitch is having a birthday or it's Christmas or some shit), so I'm glad he didn't call. But he called today asking to drink and play pool. Like I've got a job or work in the morning, and I can only imagine how fucked up his head might be, but like the vast majority of wishy washy friends in my circle, he said he'd call me back and I'm not counting on him. What I'm prepared to do, however, is get to the bottom of this (if he does call). Then I've got to console the bro. 'Cause bros need TLC too.

"Always I'm in some shit/
my abdomen's my clip, the barrel's my dick/
uncircumsized, pull my skin back and cock me/
I bust of when they unlock me/
results of what happens to niggas shock me..."
Nas on I gave you power

Today I'm feeling:

Contemplative

Air Gut

2007-08-05T11:13:00.000-05:00

Met with Su again yesterday. This while it rained cats and dogs. She remembered the high school cafe barista and suggested that I go back to see her and give her my phone number. Su even remembered her name! It was the first thing she said to me. Was this on her mind for that past few days? I couldn't believe it. Apparently, she's never seen Chris Hanson's How to catch a predator series. But seriously, I didn't even have the chick on my mind since I wrote up that blog post. I was actually looking forward to meeting a lesbian, with short, highlighted hair, coveralls, Converse and freckles. Maybe she could be like my lesbian friend. I was probably more thinking about the fat butt white chick I saw twice the other day around Union Square. I was thinking about every chick but this high schooler. Is it really that bad that my tutee recommends I continue to hit on high schoolers. I have to laugh at myself for that one.

And I missed another one. Glorious. It rained so fucking hard for Brooklyn; this was seriously abnormal. The rain pounded the streets so quickly, the place seemed like it was suffering a flash flood. So as I was driving, the streets turned gray with turbulent water, splashing and kicking around like violence itself. And the scene was beautiful. A hard fall rain, with cute girls in galoshes and people in short sleeves clutching umbrellas. The gray seemed to rise 3 or 4 feet off the ground. It's hard to describe, but leaving my camera at home is really costing me some opportunities here. It was a moment to savor.

" "So, what do you do for a living?" asked the Infinite Spirit.
"Well," answered the Cemetery Girl, "I lie to myself and suffer." "
This on some art-o-matic machine at the Whitney Museum.

I don't know what the fuck it means, but it was off beat and I had to capture it.

Today I'm feeling:

gassy

Foibles

2007-08-04T21:28:00.000-05:00

Nike advertising on the subway

So October 9th was John Lennon's birthday. I spent the day imagining. Actually, the great Snoop Dogg also put together a great track featuring Dr. Dre and D'Angelo, also called Imagine.

Freckles, everyday becoming more and more feckless, told me that Sweden is the third most musical country in the world. Though I don't believe that "musical" is quantifiable, I did get a kick out of her trying to defend that it (Sweden) is.

Ooooh, and today I missed a masterpiece!!! It would have been my BEST photo yet. So exciting. I enjoyed the image. Probably even more than I would have if I had my camera with me. I wasn't focusing on capturing it on an SD card. Instead, I burned it into my memory. It was of the Empire State Building, from the vantage point of 21st Street and 5th Avenue. This was a little later than a quarter pass 7 in the pm. The building was shrouded in fog. The top of it was lit a smoky fluorescent. Following its silhouette down about a score stories, it had a more incandescent hue. In the foreground, a street lamp exuded a very contrasting, London drear-esque warmth. Contrary to have a dreary image impart warmth, I know, but you had to be there. It was altogether enchanting.

"Music is like magic/
there's a certain feeling you get/
when you real and you spit and people are feeling your shit/
this is your moment and every single minute you spin/
trying to hold on to it 'cause you may never get it again/
so while you're in it, try to get as much shit as you can/
and when your run is over just admit when it's at its end"
Eminem on 'Til I collapse

Today I'm feeling:

like nothing's bothering me

This is why I'm not!

2007-08-03T17:42:00.000-05:00

Most fun? Creating an Ahmedinijad profile on JDate.
Least fun? Having your friend crash your motherfucking car!!!!

Yes folks. That's what I'm up to now. Having to price and find the cheapest shoddiest body work for my car. Never, ever, ever allow someone who continue to insist on driving your car... drive your car. Not mad though. Only wiser. Only wiser.

"'cause like the news, everyday you get pressed"
Amy Winehouse on Fuck me pumps

Today I'm feeling:

impressed, very impressed

Chicha

2007-08-02T06:31:00.000-05:00

I just peeped my boy G-Dub getting it in!

I just saw on CNN that bad breath is a symptom of tonsillitis.

Alright, so on Wednesday I caught an episode of my dudette Sarah Silverman. This bitch rocks as evidenced by the fucking hard on I caught when she first stepped on screen. Damn, did I just admit that? Pit i ful. Fuck it. It's true. I think I want to date a lesbian with highlighted cropped hair, who wears coveralls and Converse. My dream broad.

"Come into this world alone/
leave this world alone"
Steele of Smiff n Wesson on Dry Snitch

I've quoted that lyric before but it's worth repeating.

Also, I just heard this track by Kanye West talking about his "big brother" who was B.I.G.'s brother. Plain awesomeness.

Today I'm feeling:

pretty slick

I spoke to a chick with freckles. It's going to be my new fetish. I'm going berserk here.

D.I.L.F.

2007-08-01T10:55:00.000-05:00

So I was again in DUMBO to tutor Su. Actually, I had another appointment to tutor my other tutee an hour earlier. She had train troubles and had to cancel. But at this café, I saw the sweetest, most beautiful thing. She was so adorable and I had to talk to her. So, I waited until the café was closing up and went to the counter (she's the counter girl) and asked if they were closed (duh). She asked what I wanted, I'm assuming they might have had a pastry lying around or some coffee left. And I told her I actually just wanted an excuse to get her name. And the oddest thing happened. She blushed and laughed and smiled and smiled. And I was like, "is she for real?" all puzzled and shit. I should have known. By this time, Su had long shown and had encouraged me to go talk to her. Without Su, I doubt I would have said anything. Really. I swear it. So boom, trying desperately to not make a fool of myself I proceed to talk. I ask her how often she's there and does she go to school only to find out she does! Man, I almost asked her what school she goes to when something told me to ask her if she goes to college. Little Ms. Hottie goes to high school. Insert sad face here. I took wings and flew away, almost asap! I did tell her that she's the sweetest thing though.

So, the consequence? Well, first, Su did say, afterwards, that she had the feeling Ms. Sweetest Thing Hottie was too young. I was a smidge perturbed she didn't express this feeling earlier. But also, I realized an older woman wouldn't have been as intrigued or delighted by my come on. It was honest, I really did just want to talk to her and get her name. And I really did think she is the sweetest thing. But had I felt the same of a woman more my age, the response would have been no where near the gratuitous one I received from Ms. Sweetest Thing. Oy Vey. So what am I to conclude? I missed the boat. I'm old; almost thirty. Don't have a job either. Don't have too much of a future. Ain't really got any talents. And the women my age don't take me seriously. I missed the boat. Ah well. I guess I should see it as their loss.

Maybe I'll hit the lotto. Then I'll hang out outside a high school and pick me up a woman?

I'm being facetious.

"I heard you fags wanna catch me off guard, put tefs in my heart/
the death of Escobar under your breath, whispers in the dark/
I hear 'cause the street ain't loyal to choose sides/
prepare for the beef, whoever lose dies/
rich and I'm thuggin', I can't trust nothing/
this bitch that I'm fucking, this clip that I'm busting/
could jam in my fist, look at my hand/
finger pussy, walk, spend some rings, cut coke cookies/
wrote poetry and broke noses B..."
Nas on B Ez by Capone and Noreaga

One of the most underrated rap verses ever.

Today I'm feeling:

prime

Though I'm probably pass it.

Oxymorons

2007-07-31T19:57:00.000-05:00

Alright, so Leila calls me a mother fucker, with the space in between mother and fucker. She's such a riot. And that got me to thinking, among other things about calling someone a gay motherfucker. Then I gets to thinking "gay mother fucker." And I'm like wtf? That's a bloody oxymoron. What led me there? Well, with the space in between mother and fucker, I saw it as someone actually being called a person who fucks mothers. Not such the generic term for another person, e.g. motherfucker. Aren't semantics fun? Outside of this, I really have a lot of posts to catch up on and any frivolous topic, at the moment, can be taken advantage of. It's October and I haven't even caught up with August yet!

"I'll probably have a future of stress, stay depressed and live alone/
but as far as the present time, it's on!"
Dead Prez on the Pistol

Today I'm feeling:

like m.i.l.f. retardant

See next post.

Note to self: Blogger's spell check no longer picks up "fucker" or "motherfucker". The times are a changin' indeed.

Characters

2007-07-30T21:21:00.000-05:00

So I was just touched by the sweetest little filmsy wilmsy. No, it wasn't the most entertaining thing, but Lars and the real woman was decent enough to watch. And, like I said, it did touch the hell out of me. I think the one thing the film had going for it, it really developed its characters, especially Lars. I'd recommend a Blockbuster night when this thing releases to DVD.

"My heart be still, that girl... that girl got me."
Sean Luxembourg trying to echo the sentiments of amore

Today I'm feeling:

like everything is falling into place

Things always happen the way they're supposed to. And speaking of supposed to happen, you've all voted for my photos today right? Oh, if you haven't, your buttocks sure need to. Daddy needs that trip to Paris, bitches! www.metphoto.org. I'm not kidding.

And has anyone heard the Stars song Bitches in Tokyo?

butter... 'cause I'm on a roll

2007-07-29T16:49:00.000-05:00

So I was watching the television with the mother bear. CNN or something as per the usual. Then I saw this poignant commercial where a father explains the birds and the bees using a pastry. But this was no regular pastry. No. It was a Pillsbury crescent roll. But when I saw it, I immediately thought croissant. But crescent roll made me think crescent moon which made me think medialuna, which is spanish for half moon and also just so happens to be a breakfast pastry, sweetened with butterscotch, in Argentina and who knows where else! And then I was like... that's a blog post, whoot! So there you have it.

"I remember a day in class when he leaned forward, in his characteristic pose-the pose of a man about to impart a secret-and croaked, "if you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loud! If you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loud!" This comical piece of advice struck me as sound at the time, and I still respect it. Why compound ignorance with inaudability? Why run and hide?"
E.B. White speaking of Strunk in Strunk and White's timeless The Elements of Style

Today I'm feeling:

the pings of academia

WTF?

2007-07-28T20:20:00.000-05:00

Museum of Modern Arthur, MoMAR

I've been here chilling, man. Nothing notable to discuss, so I'll leave y'all with this. You've probably already seen it. If that's the case, I apologize.

In other news, Stella and I have started an intimate relationship. That's the wife beater juice.

Sorry, the life's just quite uneventful. Still, you mofos keep on voting for my pics over at www.metphoto.org. K?

"Ain't no shook hands in Brookland/
Army fatigues bring fatigue to enemies, look man"
The Notorious BIG on My downfall

Today I'm feeling:

like I could use some company

Utter randomness

2007-07-27T17:53:00.000-05:00

Building in the East Village

Excuse this post. Just posting for the sake of posting.

Cold sake is truly no different from hot sake, by the way.

And apart from lesbians, I like Canadians. How random is that?

And I have my eyes on a regular spot to watch Monday Night Football. I've got two running backs going that, between them, need to tally 22 fantasy points in order for me to win. Essentially, if Laurence Maroney and fill in Kenny Watson can each rush for 100 yards and a score, I win. It's a long, long shot.

"Skinny boy,
some love, some prostitution"
Amy Millan on Skinny boy

Today I'm feeling:

the premonitions of losing

And don't forget to vote for my photos over at www.metphoto.org.

Photo Op

2007-07-26T13:01:00.000-05:00

D.U.M.B.O.

Well, I guess it's about time I see what my photos are made of. You all out there, get your butts over to www.metphoto.org on the double and vote for me! Give all my photos 5 star ratings!!!!

Can't find my photos? There are 5 of them, just type "Sean" in the 'search by photographer' box. There are some real classy pics on the site, but I think mine hold their own.

"It's not over, not over, not over yet"
Klaxons on It's not over yet

Today I'm feeling:

intent, again

Salience

2007-07-25T19:53:00.000-05:00

Michele Brody, artist laureate and MFA

Wham! I didn't expect it, but my Sunday turned into splendid fun. I paid another visit to Michele Brody's coffee cart so as to introduce Su, my tutee, to her. I had this clever idea that Michele could benefit from having a foreigner enjoy tea with her, while Su benefited by getting her English conversation on. Alas, it didn't happen that way. Michele was quite petered out by the tie we'd reached and what was supposed to be this great idea on my behalf turned into a fun stroll through DUMBO for Su and I. I bought a sweatshirt at a sample sale for $1. I'll probably throw it into one of those receptacles for used clothing for the less fortunate. We perused a bookstore and listened to some live blues too. We also got a couple of nice photos. Uneventful, but addictive fun!

"...and I'm singing oh oh on a Friday night/
and I hope everything's gonna be alright..."
Kate Nash on Mouthwash

Today I'm feeling:

at ease

Tinted

2007-07-24T17:32:00.000-05:00

The Statue of Liberty, the Bayonne Bridge, a blimp and the Brooklyn side of the Brooklyn Bridge

This, for most, is the most depressing time of year. It certainly is for me. Fall is such a doleful season. But there's one thing that's tops about Autumn. Its sunsets. Unparalleled regardless of the locale. Urban sprawl, rural plains, or sleepy seaside promontories. There's nothing on this planet like a Fall sunset.

"Don't wanna be/
a part of the problem"
Tegan and Sara on So Jealous

Today I'm feeling:

like I want the ocean right now!

Special-T

2007-07-23T20:37:00.000-05:00

Yum! Had some tea at the "Tea House" this evening. "Oh, what's the Tea House?" you ask? Well, the Tea House is a work of interactive art by Michele Brody and part of the D.U.M.B.O. Art Under the Bridge Festival. I got to sit down and sip yerba maté with miss Brody while chatting her up on tea culture and stuff in general. And it was free. Can't beat that.

As an aside, I think I love lesbians now. Really. Sarah Silverman can't be straight. Nor can Feist or Tegan and Sara nor any of the other androgynous women I've been taking a liking to of late. Of course they could all be as hetero as they want, but I'd love them anyway.

"...if you want to leave, take good care/
hope you have a lot of nice things to wear/
then a lot of nice things turn bad out there/
oh baby, baby it's a wild world/
it's hard to get by just upon a smile..."
Cat Stevens on Wild world

(you guys do know that Cat Stevens is Yusef Islam now?)

Today I'm feeling:

aloneish

Blow me gently

2007-07-22T11:05:00.000-05:00

This is a burger joint in the East Village. It says "That rare well-done burger restaurant." Clever.

I have a huge crush. On Sarah. Sarah Silverman. I can't believe what I just saw. She's so hot! Who knew?

Damn, there must have been 10 free movie screenings in the city yesterday. I decided to go the low key route and saw Freshmen Orientation. Supposedly, this film was shot in 2003. It's a bad movie. So, I supplemented this atrocity by doubling up and seeing another flick. I saw Somebody to eat cheese with. I must say, not much better. But Sarah Silverman was in it. I saw a side of her I didn't know she has. She's so coy, intoxicating, fun, and hot! Wow.

Insulin!

My mother orders this magazine, the Saturday Gazette or some shit. Here it is, the Saturday Evening Post. It's chock full of the type of shit I studied when I went to graduate school. Science writing. So I get engrossed in this one article on the discovery of insulin. Expertly written. If anyone cares who authored the piece, feel free to shoot me an email. Anyway, this one precocious Canadian dude, Collip, purified the stuff (insulin). I've trudged up and down the Internet, even going so far as to asking a question on Yahoo! Answers, to find out how Collip purified the insulin. Nowhere! I just can't find it. If anyone out there knows, or can help me find out, email!!! Oops. Allow me to specify. Email me!!!

Ok. Last thing. No mention of Myanmar would be complete without mentioning Aung San Suu Kyi. She's under house arrest for being to the Burmese oppressed what Nelson Mandela was to Blacks under apartheid. She's also a Nobel Prize winner, which is probably why she's still alive. So there, mentioned!

"Every boy and girl, woman to man/
when you feel you've done about the best you can/
motherfuck the wagon, come join the band/
vibrate, vibrate higher!"
Andre 3000 on Vibrate

Today I'm feeling:

Scratched up

Monk-er fucker

2007-07-21T10:44:00.000-05:00

a couple Jews playing catch at Union Square

Wow, so much going on in the world to grapple with. There's the fall out from the Ahmedinejad speech, the Women's FIFA World Cup, Bush's pledge to double AIDS dollars in Africa and unrest in Myanmar....

I think I'll run with Myanmar. They're [Myanmar Junta folk] shooting monks now! Apparently, Myanmar is probably the world's most secretive government and oppressive state. Yes, I'd even dare say more so than N. Korea. You see N. Korea whopping ass at the World Cup. Burma isn't anywhere. It's a whole mishmash of ethnic minorities and impoverished that make up the persecuted in Myanmar which is in a hotbed of instability, Southeast Asia.

As I told my buddy Jenny, via IM this morning:

"well, for days, monks in Rangon have took to the streets to protest the decades old military junta...

"today, they shot at the monks, killing 2

"that will mobilize the people

"Bush even mentioned Myanmar's human rights situation to the U.N. yesterday

"the shit has hit the fan."

And that, it truly has.

Keep a close watch folks, this WILL get interesting.

"...chill Big, lay in the cut/
for what?/
I refuse to sit in the backseat and get handled/
like I do nothing all day, sit around and watch the cartoon channel..."
Big Boi on War

Today I'm feeling:

large

Fuck was I thinking?

2007-07-20T23:23:00.000-05:00

Jenny Owen Youngs isn't too bad. She did this rendition of Nelly's Hot in Herre... rocked the fucking house.

"I wish that you knew when I said 2 sugars, actually, I meant 3"
Kate Nash on The nicest thing, live at Luna Lounge

Today I'm feeling:

fucking eh

In and out like the crackhouse

2007-07-19T18:08:00.000-05:00

New thought: O.J. for president. I'd vote for him. In my mind, O.J.'s the quintessential gorilla pimp the White House needs.

Vote O.J. in '08.

Speaking of presidents, my man Ahmedinejhad is causing a little hysteria here in New York, isn't he? The way Sean sees it, the man is the leader of a huge country and an important one. Let the man speak. Listen to what he has to say. Who's to say he won't have anything important to impart?

"I stay real, never change/
it's a lot of suckers who's running this game/
I'm busting those things, hard/
peace God, there's no peace now/
I'm here to tear the streets down, I'm here to eat now"
Black Moon on Stay real

Today I'm feeling:

impartial

open minded and all that jibber jabber

Slave Labor

2007-07-18T10:06:00.000-05:00

The temp agency tried to enslave me today. Seems they've got an HR gig what pays $11 per, with hours of 9am to 6pm. Hellish shit man. I kindly declined the offer.

All in all, I must say, I love temp agencies. Keeps the monotony at a minimum.

"We play the game like the movie, smoke loosie/
BIG gone, but my favorite song still Juicy"
Nore on The assignment

Today I'm feeling:

quasi ambitious

Give 'em war

2007-07-17T13:56:00.000-05:00

No idea why this happened but them boys sitting outside the crib the other day, peoples from the block, accosted me for some basketball action. "Sean, when you gonna let me bust that ass in some basketball?" "When you want to get beat on the court, son?" My answer? "What's up with right now?" You all see where this is going?

So my brethren Kelvin takes the wheel in his little 1980's Nissan Sentra (a nice change of pace, as I'm usually the one doing the driving) and drives us out to the ball court. We start up the Utah (Every man for himself, first one to 100 and to hit a half court shot wins. Each basket is worth 5 points.). I go to work. I'm at 100 before the last person to score scores. Takes me a while to nail the half court joint but once I do they're ready to go for round two. These young assed whipper snappers! Alright, I figured I could shut their asses up once more. Huh, easy pickings. I destroyed them again, making shit look easy.

I have no clue as to why it was so easy. No clue. But I felt like I was 17 again. I barely broke a sweat. That shit was just too easy. Craziness. Go Sean!

"...spit a few at a traitor with that new AR/
try to kill me? I'm the leader, that's coup d'état..."
Nas on The n

Today I'm feeling:

like congrats is in order

The big 1K!

2007-07-16T13:42:00.000-05:00

1000 seems to be the theme of the month going here. Maxed out the old iPod Mini with over 1000 songs earlier this month and now I'm up to 1000 views here at the old blog. Go me, I suppose.

And here are some of the thought of thoughts running through my head:

That University of Florida student is a trip, yes. But why would 4 police officers/security personnel feel they need to taser him? 4 people, to taser 1 man? Ridiculous. They should be punished.

Cover flow! It's pretty.

The DMV sent me a notice pushing back my window tints hearing on the 11th. It was written on the 7th. My hearing was the 20th. I went to the hearing, spent $4 on the much hated MTA subway, only to find out that in a few hours I'll receive a notice pushing back my hearing for several months. Seems someone owes me $4.

Check out this place if you're ever in NYC.

"...think rational/
loving money and weed, pussy and fast food..."
Nature on Man's world

Today I'm feeling:

In the mood for a good...

The Big Apple

2007-07-15T07:41:00.000-05:00

Just got a win in my fantasy football league. It was harrowing too. I missed the draft and now have an awful team. Add to that a couple stupid trades I made at the beginning of the season (the week before last) and I've become a huge underdog. But, in Week 2, I've already found my first victory. Here's to many more!

Perusing the iPod selection, I feel that the folks at Apple are railroading us foaming at the mouth consumers. They know we like their minimalist industrial design. Everything is all sleek like. But they're pimping us. They over charge and leave out components we could easily manage for less money in another format. Ah, the price we pay for pretty. So here's what I've got to say. Don't get the new iPod Nano. When the thing first came out, a couple years ago, it was indeed tiny. Nano, even. But I've seen smaller MP3 players and at this point, the iPod Nano, isn't all that small or novel anymore. Apple should revert to the iPod Mini moniker. Also, the new iPod touch is a waste of your fucking bacon. At 8 or 16gbs, Apple seems a bit confused. They seem to think that bigger is not better. We all know this logic to be to the contrary. And while no one wants to lug shit around, we don't like to be limited either. Find a better balance for your video player dawg. We want to actually use the mofo. Essentially, the iPod touch is a music player that can go online (though may not be the most convenient web browsing implement) and play videos. Which doesn't warrant the $300 and $400 price tags. That leaves the iPod classic as the best value in iPodding. It's slim, and we all like 'em skinny don't we? It's also packing! 80gbs for $249. Or 160gbs for $349. You get the video capabilities with some actual space with which to store a video library. Now that's good enough to masturbate to.

Anyone see a pattern forming with my posts?

"...heart is bleeding, stress got my hairline receding/
God degree feeding, leading my seeds back to Eden/
and stay suspicious of promiscuous bitches/
who don't wash and do dishes, too big for your britches..."
Rza on Whatever happened by AZ

Today I'm feeling:

clear

iTrod

2007-07-14T08:23:00.000-05:00

You guys do realize that O.J. is 60, right? Why O.J.? Did you all know that the woman who shot her preacher husband, and father of her kids, in the back did 7 months in prison? She did more time than O.J. did. You gotta chill man. Chill.

My dawg Maykin chilled with me yesterday. It's really odd that we haven't hung out in such a while (since one of his best friends bought the farm back in February) and we just caught up and shot the shit. Oh, the things we talked about. Exactly what you'd imagine two 27 year olds to talk about. Such masculine talk. Male bonding and all that good stuff.

Lastly, Asics just doesn't make any of the nice looking Tigers for men, do they? What gives? A jazzy pair of Mexico 66's right now could really hit the spot. Maybe if I do my best Schopenhauer impersonation, a pair in my size will magically appear at my doorstep.

"...no gimmicks, just me being me/
but you ain't bending or offending me/
'cause anyways, Hennessey used to be a better friend to me"
Rass Kass on The End

Today I'm feeling:

in the middle

Hack!

2007-07-13T13:17:00.000-05:00

Phew! My blunder ended all's well. Seems I somehow got the cat to swallow a mint ball. She later hacked it up and carried on as if nothing happened. Go S2! I'm sorry hun, by the way. Don't tell the mama bear.

"...never trick a bitch car payment off/
I'm an orangutan when the chain is off/
I set trip and I slowly blast/
with a axe and a pump and a goalie mask/
leaving stains of blood on your Rolie glass/
when I'm in your hood, nigga, throw me bags"
Redman on Enjoy da ride

Today I'm feeling:

like a carrier

Graping

2007-07-12T09:41:00.000-05:00

Oy vey. Inertia is a bitch. I really couldn't push up the other day because of the hangover. That headache isn't conducive to doing shit, except maybe hike. Now, it's harder than ever to get down. It's like starting over. But I'm grinding it out!

Lily Allen. She's making it happen. She's got a groovy track on the new Mark Ronson album, Version, and she's getting sick airplay on a track with Common now. Go Lily!

You know what's fucking up my work-out routine. Chocolate. I just can't eat the stuff, it's poison. Everyone, quick, stick to alcohol. The preferred poison of healthy people everywhere.

"she was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene/
I said don't mind but what do you mean 'I am the one'?"
Michael on Billie Jean

Today I'm feeling:

only too careless

You like how I say just Michael, yeah?

Alcohol and life

2007-07-11T09:19:00.000-05:00

View from the roof of loft party, Bushwick, Brooklyn

That's the entrance to the loft across the street I ended up crashing after the police thinned out the first party. Turns out, the second one was corny and the small entourage of lesbians I found myself with were scavenging alcohol in the kitchen. Yucksters.

But what made the night really chill was the dude I'm supposed to be moving to Peru with. He's certainly going in November, but said I could join him afterwards and doesn't mind if I don't come down right away. Then he started busting dance moves on the dance floor. Riotous! We're going to give Peru hell.

Just reliving my one glorious night of like the whole summer. Then it gets cold as fuck. The type of cold where if you stub your toe, you fear the doctors might want to amputate.

And here's what sucks during the fall and winter months: waking up early on a Sunday. Why? Well, the only thing of interest to do all day long is watch the NFL! I wake up at 7am and am stuck for hours finding shit to do (which usually entails cleaning). I guess it's a blessing to have the time and motivation to tidy, but I'd much prefer to wake up at 12:30pm, 30 minutes before the kick-off of the 1pm games. Know what I means?

Oooooh, and I goooooooofed! I won't say how, but I goofed something TERRIBLE. Or should I say terr-i-ble! That's how my tutee says her Monday class schedule is. One emphasized syllable for every 3 hour class. It's all about timing.

"Master say being born colored was the worst disease/
and we the worst of breeds, worst than fleas/
'cause as long as I work for he, I work for free/
he beat me like a dick in jail and curse at me"
Sean J of the Field Mob on Nothing 2 lose

Today I'm feeling:

sympathetic

As in my sympathetic system is firing away!

Pre tend

2007-07-10T15:34:00.000-05:00

light towers commemorating 9/11

Thinking back, I'm a bit obtuse, aren't I?

You know what's annoyingly insensitive? Getting flaked on. Got flaked on twice over the weekend. Was supposed to go hiking and I knew I was going to get played, and things played out accordingly. Then, Sunday morning touch football gets canceled this week. Disappointment abounds. But it's cool. I poured beers for the Thomas Hooker booth at the NY Brewfest on Friday and the two different beers they had were a Blonde Ale and their Oktoberfest Lager. Nothing like shouting "Blonde Hooker!" or "German Hooker!" to a bunch of punch drunk beer heads. And, as the Hooker beer had to be the best at the fest, when I ran out of beer, I was allowed to drink beer from the other booths. Sweet intoxication wasn't too far behind.

Then the house party, byob style, was in full swing when I arrived straight from the brewfest. I haven't imbibed so much fucking alcohol in what seemed like months (though it's probably closer to a couple weeks). It got crazy when everyone hit the dance floor to hits from Wu Tang, Old Dirty Bastard and DMX. Yup, that's right, 1990's rap hits. It was so fucking insanely awesome. Until the police raided the place. They gave summonses to everyone on the roof (I had left the roof only minutes before the police showed) and anyone outside with a beer in their hand. I avoided the po-po completely, laughing my ass off to the lesbians getting down on the dance floor.

Best night I've had in a very, very long time. Not enough to compensate for the hangover hike I didn't get to go on or the Sunday morning touch football game, but I'll remember it until I find my next house party in a Brooklyn loft, byob style.

"I'm feeling high and I'm drifting/
mind on my business, nine in my britches/
I ride with ambition, push-up a hundred times for the ones dying senseless..."
Steele of Smiff N Wesson on Get back

Today I'm feeling:

cooperative

Max't

2007-07-09T21:52:00.000-05:00

Just realized that I have 1017 songs on my iPod Mini. It's time for me to get a new one with way more memory. I've maxed out my iPod. Can you believe that?

Good thing I deleted all those Mike Jones songs.

"Mike Jones, who?/
Mike Jones!"
Mike Jones on everything he's ever recorded

Today I'm feeling:

full

...in the double 0 seven!

2007-07-08T18:38:00.000-05:00

Read Café's back yard, Williamsburgh, Brooklyn

Word, I'm a '70's baby, raised in the '80's and bred on '90's music. And the genre of the decade? Hippa to the hoppa! The likes of the Notorious B.I.G., Wu Tang Clan, the Infamous Mobb Deep, Nas, Redman and Busta Rhymes made sure the music was creative if not great. Come 2000, hip hop's greatest turned it over to excellent wordsmiths like Eminem and Kanye West.

But hip hop flat lined some time between 1999 and 2007. I don't know exactly when, but I used to buy several hip hop albums a year. I memorized lyric after lyric. I wrote my own. I worshiped the music, man. It was all about beats and rhymes. Then hip pop hits started to proliferate. I guess this sound can best be summarized by the artist Nelly. That brought the decline of rap. Rhythm and Blues profited well from a resurgence, but rappers started relying on R&B crooners to give their records more universal appeal. It might have worked from the money point of view, but the art suffered. And to that end, I'm no longer the fan I was. I'll still fuck with a true artist. I'll buy a T.I. album. I'll fuck with a Boot Camp Click endeavor. But I'm not crazy about any artist in particular. So it was no surprise when I walked past the line waiting outside the Union Square Virgin Megastore to see Kanye west, and went inside and checked out the rock section. It's new to me. But it's artistic, it's warm, it's creative, it's from the soul, it's inspired, and it's everything hip hop hasn't been in about 6 or 7 years.

I saw what I wanted but Virgin is far too overpriced for my tastes. I went to the discount music store and bought The Con by Tegan and Sara who I've recently quoted mercilessly here. Ahem. Ugh. And I love it! The album is almost perfect. These twins really rock out and all their songs are inspired. It's not music to make a buck. The album is also critically acclaimed and is touted as their best of 5 album releases. I highly recommend it. It's worth your bread.

Check their shit out on Youtube. It's powerful music.

"I be trying to chill man, she just trip on some old shit/
women hold a grudge like piss on a road trip"
Sean J on I hate you

Today I'm feeling:

repetitive

Y'all heard this from me before?

Oh, for crissakes!

2007-07-07T22:50:00.000-05:00

Mind over body, as I always say. For days I ate just fruit. I was STARVING but had no appetite. So the other night I bowl over in agony. If felt as though my stomach was eating itself. Eating me. And I just had no appetite. I was out of fruits and really didn't want to eat anything.

Here's another one. Sleep. I just couldn't get any. I'd sleep for 2 hours and be up for 24 straight and not so much as yawn. On fruit for fuel. It's just the damn stomach feeding on itself that I couldn't tolerate. I sat and slowing force fed myself a plate of meat. Steak and chicken breast. Just protein. It actually helped me get those 2 hours of sleep. Then in the morning I had enough of an appetite to eat three slices of toasted bread with peanut butter and blueberry preserves. Afterwards, I felt sick. I was delirious. This gut of mine is an LSD trip. So bipolar.

Add to that I went from exhausted and sedentary, to working out like a maniac. With fruit as my only source of fuel.

Mind over matter.

It doesn't matter, if you don't mind.

"I'll rhyme if you admit I got skills/
and tell your friends 'when Sean rhymed I got chills.'"
Sean Luxembourg, just now

Today I'm feeling:

skilled

Void

2007-07-06T22:41:00.000-05:00

...

"All eyes are on me now."
Tegan and Sara on Floorplan

Reminds me of Tupac as well.

Been watching a little more television than usually, lately. So you know that shit eats your eyeballs and chews 'em like gum? Your brain doesn't fare much better.

Today I'm feeling:

luke cold

Bonus quote!

"Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at. Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at."
Tegan and Sara on Call it off

Over yonder

2007-07-05T15:13:00.000-05:00

Why does it always seem like far away is so far away?

4:45am EST. U.S.A. v. N. Korea. Women's Soccer. Tuesday, September 11th. I've set my alarm clock!!!

"you want to stick me then put your best to it or die black/
we see you in Allah's kingdom, you try that"
Nas on How ya livin by AZ

Today I'm feeling:

like I shouldn't have tried "that"

"I just want back in your head"

2007-07-04T13:49:00.000-05:00

The gang's all queer

No offense to anyone in the photo...

It was cool being around a bunch of women, all of whom didn't rock any make-up and where pretty gritty: hiking and shit. Nah, they weren't all hardcore, but a couple were. It's like opening up a photo album and saying the first thing that comes to mind. So I just randomly uploaded this photo, and wrote the first things that came to mind, while this song was playing:

"...remember when I was so strange and likable?/
I just want back in your head/
I just want back in your head/
I'm not unfaithful but I stray/
when I get a little scared..."
Tegan and Sara on Back in your head

Today I'm feeling:

unleveled

Split

2007-07-03T22:14:00.000-05:00

Wow! Wow. Wow. Wowwwwwwwwwww! Wow.

Just was floored by a bit of info. It seems my first love, a woman I will always remember but would be fine if I never hear from or see again, is getting married next month. And moving to New Jersey. I'm floored. Great woman. Super intelligent. Amazing eyes. Pretty. Clean. Actually, she's perfect, from what I remember, in every way except a couple. I knew she'd make some man very happy. Never thought she'd take the plunge. Why? She told me. She said something about not ever wanting to get married. Also, in reference to us she said "let's never get married." It was like déjà vu (and more painful) when the most recent and only the second love of my life told me the same exact thing (I think I love the most recent one more I guess). It only goes to show... something, though I'm not sure what? So I guess I won't be shocked when I hear love number 2 is getting married 6 years down the line.

New rule added, "when 'she' says 'let's never get married,' it's time to split!"

"...you've become somebody else 'round everyone else/
watching your back like you can't relax/
trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me/
tell me why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?..."
Avril Lavigne on Complicated

Today I'm feeling:

astonished

and just when I thought everything was back to normal...

Is it 7:30 yet?

2007-07-02T17:28:00.000-05:00

Because I'm going crazy!

McDonald's. I can understand Apple advertising on VH1 and MTV. I can understand McDonald's advertising everywhere and on everything in the U.S.; the world even. What I can't grasp is why they'd feel the urge to advertise to the New York metro area that it's a test market for their new angus beef based hamburger. Not having looked at any empirical evidence to prove or disprove my thinking here, I must say the shit don't make sense. It just don't. I'd assume that New York City has got a higher per capita ratio of vegetarians than most other big cities here in the U.S. It's like every third person I meet (pardon the pun) is a fucking hard line vegetable consumer. Besides that, are New Yorkers big connoisseurs of beef? Like do we appreciate the difference between run of the mill beef and the angus kind? Chill homie. What really gets me curious is the fact that they run ads telling us that we're a test market. How does that make us want to buy the burger any more than just saying it's a superior burger? Is it a clever little ploy to introduce humor, and only a clever little ploy to introduce humor?

I'm in the process of finalizing some hiking plans for next weekend, but it seems my "company" is only tagging along to appease me. So this morning when I sent her the link to a website that rates and describes some great local hikes, I put it out there. It seemed utterly appropriate to ask someone, point blank, 'hey, you're not just going hiking to appease me?' Eh. If the person is just a nice person, of course she's going to say 'no' and feel awkward the whole trip. Last time we went hiking and to Pacem in Terris I started to play a Common tune on the old iPod and she asked 'who is this?' I told her who it was and said it's rap and she laughed hysterically. Which I thought was cool. She was having a laugh at my expense. People don't usually have the courage to do that in your face.

I'm putting a hurting on my body! I've pushed up until my arms won't stop trembling. Gotta start the crunches now.

So what's the deal with Dead Sea salt? I asked my mom to pick me up a sack when she goes to Israel in a couple months, but I can see myself getting the same results using Morton's sea salt to exfoliate, etc.

Speaking of foliate... hmmm, when does the foliage start to turn? That could make for an excellent hike.

Too much fucking writing.

"White Americans, what? nothing better to do?/
why don't you kick yourselves out, you're an immigrant too"
The White Stripes on Icky Thump

Today I'm feeling:

Not the dog or his/her owner... more like the fucking leash

"...it's kind of like getting caught in a bear trap and having to gnaw off your own leg to escape. And what I did, essentially, was chew off my motherfucking leg."
Sean Luxembourg, September 2007

Easy Pickings

2007-07-01T23:32:00.000-05:00

"But it was mango season. The mangoes were cheap. They were cool, and sloppy with sweet spicy juice. To a throat rubbed raw by dust, by heat, by the choking soot of traffic, they were perfect. I was slowly beginning to realize that Afghanistan is a 1 percent country. The ninety-nine bad things are what make the one remaining thing so indescribably good.

"... That's Afghanistan. You eat a mango in a mine field. Things that are easy have no flavor."
Excerpt from The Kabul express by Patrick Symmes, c. 2003. From Outside magazine and The best American travel writing, 2004.

A bottle of about 32 sleeping pills will last me quite some time. I'd say about 3/4ths of a year, easily. However, I feel every time I walk into the drug store to re-up, there's less of a deal. I usually get the store brand because what do I care about quality? They could be made in China for all I know. I'm only using the damned things to self medicate. I usually swallow it down with a beer. When times get tough, I start building a tolerance to it. Today I paid 8 bucks for 32 doses. Which is more like 24 doses when I start doubling up in due time. I used to get the same amount, roughly, for half that. The other day I swallowed a dose and slept for 2 and a half hours, the only sleep I had in maybe a 54 hour stretch. But I'm far from sleepy. I'm functioning, doing push ups like madness and doing it without eating anything outside of nectarines too!

This human body is such a trip. It's all subject to the mind. I bet if amputees could train their brains, they could regrow their lost limbs. Then prosthetics would sell only to the weak minded. We'd have an amputee social stratification problem on Earth. Like Robert Frost declared how way leads on to way, the same could be said about problems. In this paragraph alone I've described how emotional problems could lead to drug problems and how physical problems could lead to societal problems. If I'm not a nectarine gone bad, then I must be fermenting.

"you know I gotta get away
fuck that, never let a nigga take me out my zone/
if he try then blow him/
and go 'ooohooooohooohoooo'"
Mobb Deep on Get away

Today I'm feeling:

nickeled, dime and quartered

Kate!

2007-06-30T20:42:00.000-05:00

Kate!

Sean: Yo Kate!

Kate: Mrrrr mrrr mrrreowww, mrrr

Sean: You caught that new Bin Laden joint? My dude is out with a new video. He just dropped it. It's getting heavy rotation too!

Kate: Meow, mrrr mreow.

Sean: Yeah, he hit his beard up with Just For Men. I think for his next video he'll be rocking a fade with 2 or 3 cuts in his eyebrow. For real though, I like OBL. Not as much as I liked the ODB, but OBL actually stands for something. Unlike Bush. Bush is in Iraq, he's in Afghanistan, and it's all a stalemate just like Vietnam and Korea. Same shit, different wing of the White House. OBL barely lifts a finger and is probably rocking 72 virgins in a cave, humous. The new Bin Laden tape.

Kate:..... mrrreow.

"I'm a fine tuned super sonic speed machine/
with a sunroof top and a gangsta lean"
Rhianna on Shut up and drive

Today I'm feeling:

like one of the small business owners from the Capital One commercials

Man overboard...

2007-06-29T00:30:00.000-05:00

Luxembourg Sean

I am not me. Of the trio, I suppose I'm the odd man out. The one to not have performed. I'm the 1 in 3 that will not make it. I lack in resilience. Still, I make up for mountains with spirit. I'm a walking dream. Not for better. I dream to breathe. I dream to keep walking. I dream just to stay alive. I dream of death too. I'm the yellow jacket without the stinger. Why do the other two keep me around? There must be something about me? What is it? It ain't my smile.

I bring the color. I don't give grief. I don't. My half empty glass is all joy. I make time to play. I bring the play time. They claim I'm the more intelligent one. Pppffffftttt! More intelligent than what? I think it's that beige on white distinguishes itself. I'm not stupid, but plaster that across my abstract background and it sort of stands out. The stupid shit I do only makes me look smart.

Get a load of this, I'm profiling myself.

You're your own worst critic playboy.

"Tell me how you got that pretty little face on that pretty little frame girl"
Justin Timberlake on Summer love

Today I'm feeling:

woeful

Got a couple games on the horizon and I'll be sentenced to fire and brimstone before I miss one. Got flag football on Sunday am and basketball late on Monday. Don't know how I'll manage with a broke foot, but my broke wallet hasn't stopped me yet.

I'll be broke until I'm broken.

Zaheer

2007-06-28T00:20:00.000-05:00

Z

Zaheer, though the youngest of our trio, is by far the most mature. He's the pillar, steadfast, the most obstinate. He's the center. He's the pitcher. Without him, there'd be no team. He's literally and figuratively a business man. There's no guff in his stuff.

Zaheer is also the most gentle and caring human being alive. He feels real pain. You have to love a man who loves. Zaheer, your shortcomings only fortify the fact that you're perfect. Absofuckinglutely perfect. And I love you man.

He once told me whenever you lose a friend, you always find a better one to replace the one you just lost. At his wedding I quoted Oscar Wilde, among others, and told him, in regards to his wife, that women were made to be loved and not understood. I botched the impromptu speech at his big birthday bash, so I made it my duty to give the absolute best speech at his wedding. Both sides of the family are still raving about my words. The best part, what I'm most proud of, is my back up plan to my back up plan. I'd hate to jinx things in any way for my buddy, but if he comes to me with any sort of marital woe, I've got better advice. But I'm saving it in case he never needs it.

"...you're probably on your flight back to your hometown..."
Fergie on Big girls don't cry

Today I'm feeling:

like a fat bitch?

Amzad

2007-06-27T00:07:00.000-05:00

AzK, MD

I'm not afraid to say it. There are two men on this planet that I love. I love both of them equally. I love them like brothers most of the time, but there are some profound moments when I love them like I'd love a father. I'm assuming, of course. I've never known a father, so it's not like I know precisely what that love would feel like.

I feel a lot of pain. Sometimes I'm too selfish. And through it all, through all of my ugliness, I've never been jealous or envious or mad or vengeful of the men I love.

I love Amzad. He's smart, funny, light hearted, extremely kind, attractive, and poised to be great. He's also a good Muslim, and above all a great man. I only hope that one day I can repay him for being such an awesome being. I hope that one day I can show how much I appreciate this man's friendship.

No homo.

"Steam from the cup and snow on the path/
the seasons have changed from the present to past"
Feist on The Park

Today I'm feeling:

menstrual?

Ouch!

2007-06-26T22:51:00.000-05:00

Peach!

Today I broke my motherfucking foot. Such a shame too, because I was holding off on starting my workouts until tomorrow because I had a basketball game tonight I didn't want to exhaust myself for. Here's the kicker, the workouts are intended to be my emotional chicken soup. I was suppose to become a fucking workout beast.

I've completely lost my appetite too. I've been eating nothing but peaches and fucking nectarines for days.

Now I have a broken foot. A monkeyfucking broken foot! Argggh! I think I'm still going to start my workouts though. Push ups, crunches and a light jog while I heavily favor my broken right foot.

"I'm caught in self destruction, I spend my life in hell/
no gladness, no crying, don't see the light of day"
Reign of fire by Messiah's kiss

Today I'm feeling:

broked

As in I broked my foot.

From where Big Brother can't see you...

2007-06-25T00:22:00.000-05:00

Man I wish I hadn't stopped blogging. How could I just jump ship? Ugh, I'm so bemused by my blogospheric actions. Consider me the sudoku of Blogspot.

So I caught this absolutely superb movie that I have to give a resounding thumbs up to. 3:10 to Yuma. Critics love it and for once I couldn't agree more. I'd actually pay to catch this thing. It's a Western with drama, action and almost completely devoid of romance. The pace, the direction, the cinematography is top fucking notch. Catch it if you get the opportunity. It's automatically in my top 3.

Otherwise, I've got some typing to do. I've got to catch up.

What happened you ask? Well, to be honest, transcribing lyrics got me lazy. I'd have no trouble typing, but to listen and type lyrics seemed daunting when I just didn't want to do it. And I didn't want to create posts without lyrics. It was inertia that made me all but give up.

"...you can't get paid and the Earth this big?/
you worthless kid, nigga don't deserve to live..."
Cam'ron on Losin' Weight

Today I'm feeling:

emaciated

Gamespot.com = Communism

2007-06-24T21:40:00.000-05:00

So remember the post where I quote the email I sent to the folks at Gamespot.com? The one where I rant about their fucked up new game rating system? Yeah. Well, the fuckers banned me! I can't post on their forums anymore. Not that I really care to post to the fucking forums, but isn't it silly that a person can't find fault with anything anymore? The moment you do, motherfuckers ban you! Is this communism? Did I commit a crime against the people? So, they said my email was abusive. I don't think so. Do you? Did I curse them out? No, though curse words were involved, it wasn't at anyone. It was at the new ratings system. I was only expressing my opinion. No? I can't altercate? Pure, unadulterated stupidness. Malarkey, crockery, hogwash, jive and subterfuge! I can't think of anymore pejorative adjectives, but Gamespot.com blows chunks. Stop playing games with me.

Not that communism is necessarily or inherently bad; it is rooted in revolutionary, freedom-minded, equality and a liberal mentality.

"...if your girl is fine she's a dime/
a suit is a vine, jewelry is shine/
if you in love that mean you're blind..."
Big L on Ebonics

Today I'm feeling:

what?

yup!