Commiseration

"Esther" on the level

Sean: Hey Esther!

Esther: ...

Sean: Why, why do I feel like this most of the time? People smile my way, and the vast majority of time, I can't even muster the smile in return. Other times, I want to let one out, but no one looks my way. What gives Esther? Am I expecting too much? What am I doing wrong? What should I change? What can I change?

Esther: ...

Sean: Yeah! Agreed. Uh hmmmm. Understood. Thanks Esther. Good advice. It is what it is, right? I mean, I can't make someone return a smile, say "thank you," say goodbye before clicking the phone on me, use a turn signal before switching lanes in front of me, etc. These are the things I can't change and should certainly care less about. No? Seriously. Why am I so absorbed in these minor battles? Aren't there bigger fish to fry? The breaded delicious kind, too!

Esther: Meow!

Sean: I hear you girl. You, you on the other hand know how to reciprocate a smile, even encourage one from others. You'd make her highness, the royal majesty's crown guard crack a fat smile and put their Cheshire grins to work! Thanks for chatting with m-

Esther: meeeeeeeoooooooow!

Sean: Yeah, well thanks for chatting with me, Esther, you're the best!

Today I'm feeling:

cool

Thoughts? Questions for kitty? Comments? Do tell!

My invisible city in the sea

Pigeons atop a bust in Midtown Manhattan.

There's not one way to just say this right/
I've got calloused fingers, blisters on my soles, and I can't sleep nights/
I've been touched deep within my soul, your fingerprint's on my life/
We were supposed to be niggers for it,
now I'm forlorn with the whole concrete jungle to forage/
I've tapped my inner artist, got a job and now I'm a tourist/
In the fast lane, but I'm a measly tortoise/
I've been purported to be a porpoise/
the smartest mammal in the sea/
I've built Atlantis, an invisible fortress even I can't see/
every now and then I can't eat, I can't breathe/
have we already established that I can't sleep?/
Last I checked, my fuckin' pulse still beats,
excuse my French, par le vois and we we/
there I got it out my system, there should be no more/
I'll check the rest of them outbursts on the street or at the door/
just so long as you promise to promise that it'll be worth it indeed/
and if in the future should our paths do meet/
you forgo the dollars and let the good times and laughs proceed/
the last time this grown man cried was this week/
and the time before that...? Yeah, that too was this week/
I don't mean to come off as being too weak/
but more honest, I'll be the first to admit that this is too me/
why hide? I want to be you wanting to be me/
and you probably don't even know and never will see it/
in sad times, kimosabi, I conjure up new laugh lines/
and never sweat it long, I wash it off come bath time!
original, written in these past ten minutes, Sean Luxembourg, March 29

Today I'm feeling:

touched

Like you'd never know. Wouldn't it be nice if we all gathered around the wash basin, cleaned our mitts, then held hands and sung in chorus? Or if you wrote me a couple lines.

Que sera...

4th of July on Fire Island, NY

Francisco Zurbarán!! It just came to me whilst I wracked my brain since I left the Guggenheim to remember the name!! The man is good to say the least.

I may be mistaken, but the mailbox from this post has mysteriously returned to a plain old mailbox. Funky huh? Anyways, yesterday was the day of the big announcement (March 28th, checkout uspsjedimaster.com for details). But I noticed this from before Wednesday. Either I'm really observant, or just not as astute as I give myself credit for.

"I'm from where they crossover and clap boards"
Jay-Z on Where I'm From

I just want to be on the court right now to bust a wicked crossover and clap it. I don't think my knee could handle the clapping right now though. Unless I get more proficient with the left so I could jump off my right knee.

"Qué será, será"
What will be, will be (famous saying in Spanish)

Today I'm feeling:

forlorn

I need stimulation. Keith Olbermann just told me that the average blog has 1 reader. Considering I might actually read my own blog, my readership is above average! Comments?!?

The "Cohiba" of blogs

I goofed and didn't take my camera with me today although it was a most splendid day for picture taking. So, I "borrowed" one that comes to me all the way from the Flint Hills along the I-70 in the Midwest. It's sundown. It's breath taking. It's public.

Allow me to spare you a bunch of grandiloquent jibber jabber and get straight to the heart of the matter. I felt a cornucopia of things to say to you all earlier on in the day. Seriously, it was one of those rare moments when I felt I had a lot to say. Generally speaking, I was very happy. The weather is perfect. No, it's good enough to repeat. The weather is perfect. I was so happy that when they offered me a switch to full time I just took it. But there belongs no sad emoticon here. Today almost all of my students said "thank you teacher." And for that I suppose I could live with doing an additional 15 hours (more than tripling my current workload/hours).

But the real reason I'm so happy today? I was dreaming again. I had visions of road trips dancing in my head. I had thoughts of foreign lands and jet lag and altitude sickness and malaria and serious quantities of European libation (think Guinness, and raspberry flavored brews served in a champagne glass). I was bothered not by the thought of working more years at longer hours for minimal pay. I thought art projects and more splendid NYC days and museum excursions and hiking trips and 2 hour diddies to get Philly cheesesteaks or 1 hour numbers to get Dairy Queen Moolattes. Anyone care to rendezvous in Stamford over the weekend, shoot me an email!

Today I'm feeling:

as if happiness is too good to be true

And still at heart, I'm heartbroken. But I'll be even more so if I don't see any comments.

*Not affiliated with the Cohiba cigar manufacturing companies.

Self portrait

Self portrait on the J train c. 6am, this passed weekend

I chose to go with the eyes closed as opposed to eyes open. A couple weeks ago, a Korean student wanted to take a picture with me, so he had a classmate snap the photo. I'm sooooo not photogenic. He looks at the camera and says "eyes closed." Meaning, my eyes were closed. Only, because of his thick Korean accent, it came across as "eyes crossed." I get the giggles just thinking about that moment.

"I don't know what to do."
anonymous/everyone

Can't get "take a look at my girlfriend, she's the only one I got" out of my head. It's those damned Gym Class Heroes. What a dumb name for a band/group.

Today I'm feeling:

like the world is my cancer and the cancer is my chemo

I'm going to have to take credit for that one. Sean Luxembourg (pseudonym), March 2007. I'd rather you show me all your teeth, but since you're not with me (and I mean with me, with me) why not just comment?

Weakened since the weekend

As seen from the J train in Brooklyn at 6am

Coming to a close...

Just took this picture just for the sake of taking a picture and loved the way it came out. The weather is great, the Guggenheim was great, I'm highly anticipating the Met and the American Museum of Natural History (though the money to pay the admission is something I'd rather not part with) and I've come to the realization that many native New Yorkers don't do these things. Just the random thoughts in my mind. It took me 27 years of living in this city to finally appreciate the ability to just get up and go check these things out... when I know people who've come here from places like Korea, in part, to invest some time in MoMA and the Brooklyn Museum. Though I'm not making up for lost time, it feels good to invest some time in these endeavors.

I picked up a book on drawing at Strand earlier and am ready to dig into it.

The highlight of my week? How do you choose between sitting in an Upper East Side café with three great new friends, viewing some amazing Salvador Dalí works, eating crépes at 5am with fellow hungry, drunken club goers most of which were out of towners, and perusing Union Square with my Korean tutee? Maybe it was the smiles I got from the gorgeous Manhattanite I met at the top of Solomon's? Or listening to drunk ass John lie through his teeth to all these sexy ladies on the Lower East Side? (He pulled a cookie out of his pant pocket while talking to one girl and she flipped out. This is the same girl I later handed a Cadbury Creme Egg to, which I coincidentally pulled out of my jacket pocket). Crazy times in LuxembourgLand!

Today I'm feeling:

eager

..to see and do what's next. Let's live everyday like it's the weekend. What say you?!

Canyon feel me?

6th Avenue on a clear March day

It's never wise to stop and smurf in the middle of a New York City avenue... but I couldn't resist the photo op. It's a canyon! I'm a permanent New York City tourist, and an artist! This weekend, I picked up a small sketch pad and some kind of sketching doohickies. Now I've got to hone my smurfs or something.

John had me going to the club again last night. I'm exhausted. This is ridiculous. Why am I even doing this shit? I guess there are more pictures of club chicks coming in subsequent posts. This guy is getting annoying. He's soooo pushy. But, I know how it feels to be away from home in a new town and not know anyone. John, you're a maniac though. You're a smurfin' maniac!

Today I'm feeling:

okay

...I guess. How are you, dear reader, feeling? Comment!