Oxymorons

Alright, so Leila calls me a mother fucker, with the space in between mother and fucker. She's such a riot. And that got me to thinking, among other things about calling someone a gay motherfucker. Then I gets to thinking "gay mother fucker." And I'm like wtf? That's a bloody oxymoron. What led me there? Well, with the space in between mother and fucker, I saw it as someone actually being called a person who fucks mothers. Not such the generic term for another person, e.g. motherfucker. Aren't semantics fun? Outside of this, I really have a lot of posts to catch up on and any frivolous topic, at the moment, can be taken advantage of. It's October and I haven't even caught up with August yet!

"I'll probably have a future of stress, stay depressed and live alone/
but as far as the present time, it's on!"
Dead Prez on the Pistol

Today I'm feeling:

like m.i.l.f. retardant

See next post.

Note to self: Blogger's spell check no longer picks up "fucker" or "motherfucker". The times are a changin' indeed.

Characters

So I was just touched by the sweetest little filmsy wilmsy. No, it wasn't the most entertaining thing, but Lars and the real woman was decent enough to watch. And, like I said, it did touch the hell out of me. I think the one thing the film had going for it, it really developed its characters, especially Lars. I'd recommend a Blockbuster night when this thing releases to DVD.

"My heart be still, that girl... that girl got me."
Sean Luxembourg trying to echo the sentiments of amore

Today I'm feeling:

like everything is falling into place

Things always happen the way they're supposed to. And speaking of supposed to happen, you've all voted for my photos today right? Oh, if you haven't, your buttocks sure need to. Daddy needs that trip to Paris, bitches! www.metphoto.org. I'm not kidding.

And has anyone heard the Stars song Bitches in Tokyo?

butter... 'cause I'm on a roll

So I was watching the television with the mother bear. CNN or something as per the usual. Then I saw this poignant commercial where a father explains the birds and the bees using a pastry. But this was no regular pastry. No. It was a Pillsbury crescent roll. But when I saw it, I immediately thought croissant. But crescent roll made me think crescent moon which made me think medialuna, which is spanish for half moon and also just so happens to be a breakfast pastry, sweetened with butterscotch, in Argentina and who knows where else! And then I was like... that's a blog post, whoot! So there you have it.

"I remember a day in class when he leaned forward, in his characteristic pose-the pose of a man about to impart a secret-and croaked, "if you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loud! If you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loud!" This comical piece of advice struck me as sound at the time, and I still respect it. Why compound ignorance with inaudability? Why run and hide?"
E.B. White speaking of Strunk in Strunk and White's timeless The Elements of Style

Today I'm feeling:

the pings of academia

WTF?

Museum of Modern Arthur, MoMAR

I've been here chilling, man. Nothing notable to discuss, so I'll leave y'all with this. You've probably already seen it. If that's the case, I apologize.

In other news, Stella and I have started an intimate relationship. That's the wife beater juice.

Sorry, the life's just quite uneventful. Still, you mofos keep on voting for my pics over at www.metphoto.org. K?

"Ain't no shook hands in Brookland/
Army fatigues bring fatigue to enemies, look man"
The Notorious BIG on My downfall

Today I'm feeling:

like I could use some company

Utter randomness

Building in the East Village

Excuse this post. Just posting for the sake of posting.

Cold sake is truly no different from hot sake, by the way.

And apart from lesbians, I like Canadians. How random is that?

And I have my eyes on a regular spot to watch Monday Night Football. I've got two running backs going that, between them, need to tally 22 fantasy points in order for me to win. Essentially, if Laurence Maroney and fill in Kenny Watson can each rush for 100 yards and a score, I win. It's a long, long shot.

"Skinny boy,
some love, some prostitution"
Amy Millan on Skinny boy

Today I'm feeling:

the premonitions of losing

And don't forget to vote for my photos over at www.metphoto.org.

Photo Op

D.U.M.B.O.

Well, I guess it's about time I see what my photos are made of. You all out there, get your butts over to www.metphoto.org on the double and vote for me! Give all my photos 5 star ratings!!!!

Can't find my photos? There are 5 of them, just type "Sean" in the 'search by photographer' box. There are some real classy pics on the site, but I think mine hold their own.

"It's not over, not over, not over yet"
Klaxons on It's not over yet

Today I'm feeling:

intent, again

Salience

Michele Brody, artist laureate and MFA

Wham! I didn't expect it, but my Sunday turned into splendid fun. I paid another visit to Michele Brody's coffee cart so as to introduce Su, my tutee, to her. I had this clever idea that Michele could benefit from having a foreigner enjoy tea with her, while Su benefited by getting her English conversation on. Alas, it didn't happen that way. Michele was quite petered out by the tie we'd reached and what was supposed to be this great idea on my behalf turned into a fun stroll through DUMBO for Su and I. I bought a sweatshirt at a sample sale for $1. I'll probably throw it into one of those receptacles for used clothing for the less fortunate. We perused a bookstore and listened to some live blues too. We also got a couple of nice photos. Uneventful, but addictive fun!

"...and I'm singing oh oh on a Friday night/
and I hope everything's gonna be alright..."
Kate Nash on Mouthwash

Today I'm feeling:

at ease

Tinted

The Statue of Liberty, the Bayonne Bridge, a blimp and the Brooklyn side of the Brooklyn Bridge

This, for most, is the most depressing time of year. It certainly is for me. Fall is such a doleful season. But there's one thing that's tops about Autumn. Its sunsets. Unparalleled regardless of the locale. Urban sprawl, rural plains, or sleepy seaside promontories. There's nothing on this planet like a Fall sunset.

"Don't wanna be/
a part of the problem"
Tegan and Sara on So Jealous

Today I'm feeling:

like I want the ocean right now!

Special-T

Yum! Had some tea at the "Tea House" this evening. "Oh, what's the Tea House?" you ask? Well, the Tea House is a work of interactive art by Michele Brody and part of the D.U.M.B.O. Art Under the Bridge Festival. I got to sit down and sip yerba maté with miss Brody while chatting her up on tea culture and stuff in general. And it was free. Can't beat that.

As an aside, I think I love lesbians now. Really. Sarah Silverman can't be straight. Nor can Feist or Tegan and Sara nor any of the other androgynous women I've been taking a liking to of late. Of course they could all be as hetero as they want, but I'd love them anyway.

"...if you want to leave, take good care/
hope you have a lot of nice things to wear/
then a lot of nice things turn bad out there/
oh baby, baby it's a wild world/
it's hard to get by just upon a smile..."
Cat Stevens on Wild world

(you guys do know that Cat Stevens is Yusef Islam now?)

Today I'm feeling:

aloneish

Blow me gently

This is a burger joint in the East Village. It says "That rare well-done burger restaurant." Clever.

I have a huge crush. On Sarah. Sarah Silverman. I can't believe what I just saw. She's so hot! Who knew?

Damn, there must have been 10 free movie screenings in the city yesterday. I decided to go the low key route and saw Freshmen Orientation. Supposedly, this film was shot in 2003. It's a bad movie. So, I supplemented this atrocity by doubling up and seeing another flick. I saw Somebody to eat cheese with. I must say, not much better. But Sarah Silverman was in it. I saw a side of her I didn't know she has. She's so coy, intoxicating, fun, and hot! Wow.

Insulin!

My mother orders this magazine, the Saturday Gazette or some shit. Here it is, the Saturday Evening Post. It's chock full of the type of shit I studied when I went to graduate school. Science writing. So I get engrossed in this one article on the discovery of insulin. Expertly written. If anyone cares who authored the piece, feel free to shoot me an email. Anyway, this one precocious Canadian dude, Collip, purified the stuff (insulin). I've trudged up and down the Internet, even going so far as to asking a question on Yahoo! Answers, to find out how Collip purified the insulin. Nowhere! I just can't find it. If anyone out there knows, or can help me find out, email!!! Oops. Allow me to specify. Email me!!!

Ok. Last thing. No mention of Myanmar would be complete without mentioning Aung San Suu Kyi. She's under house arrest for being to the Burmese oppressed what Nelson Mandela was to Blacks under apartheid. She's also a Nobel Prize winner, which is probably why she's still alive. So there, mentioned!

"Every boy and girl, woman to man/
when you feel you've done about the best you can/
motherfuck the wagon, come join the band/
vibrate, vibrate higher!"
Andre 3000 on Vibrate

Today I'm feeling:

Scratched up

Monk-er fucker

a couple Jews playing catch at Union Square

Wow, so much going on in the world to grapple with. There's the fall out from the Ahmedinejad speech, the Women's FIFA World Cup, Bush's pledge to double AIDS dollars in Africa and unrest in Myanmar....

I think I'll run with Myanmar. They're [Myanmar Junta folk] shooting monks now! Apparently, Myanmar is probably the world's most secretive government and oppressive state. Yes, I'd even dare say more so than N. Korea. You see N. Korea whopping ass at the World Cup. Burma isn't anywhere. It's a whole mishmash of ethnic minorities and impoverished that make up the persecuted in Myanmar which is in a hotbed of instability, Southeast Asia.

As I told my buddy Jenny, via IM this morning:

"well, for days, monks in Rangon have took to the streets to protest the decades old military junta...

"today, they shot at the monks, killing 2

"that will mobilize the people

"Bush even mentioned Myanmar's human rights situation to the U.N. yesterday

"the shit has hit the fan."

And that, it truly has.

Keep a close watch folks, this WILL get interesting.

"...chill Big, lay in the cut/
for what?/
I refuse to sit in the backseat and get handled/
like I do nothing all day, sit around and watch the cartoon channel..."
Big Boi on War

Today I'm feeling:

large

Fuck was I thinking?

Jenny Owen Youngs isn't too bad. She did this rendition of Nelly's Hot in Herre... rocked the fucking house.

"I wish that you knew when I said 2 sugars, actually, I meant 3"
Kate Nash on The nicest thing, live at Luna Lounge

Today I'm feeling:

fucking eh

In and out like the crackhouse

New thought: O.J. for president. I'd vote for him. In my mind, O.J.'s the quintessential gorilla pimp the White House needs.

Vote O.J. in '08.

Speaking of presidents, my man Ahmedinejhad is causing a little hysteria here in New York, isn't he? The way Sean sees it, the man is the leader of a huge country and an important one. Let the man speak. Listen to what he has to say. Who's to say he won't have anything important to impart?

"I stay real, never change/
it's a lot of suckers who's running this game/
I'm busting those things, hard/
peace God, there's no peace now/
I'm here to tear the streets down, I'm here to eat now"
Black Moon on Stay real

Today I'm feeling:

impartial

open minded and all that jibber jabber

Slave Labor

The temp agency tried to enslave me today. Seems they've got an HR gig what pays $11 per, with hours of 9am to 6pm. Hellish shit man. I kindly declined the offer.

All in all, I must say, I love temp agencies. Keeps the monotony at a minimum.

"We play the game like the movie, smoke loosie/
BIG gone, but my favorite song still Juicy"
Nore on The assignment

Today I'm feeling:

quasi ambitious

Give 'em war

No idea why this happened but them boys sitting outside the crib the other day, peoples from the block, accosted me for some basketball action. "Sean, when you gonna let me bust that ass in some basketball?" "When you want to get beat on the court, son?" My answer? "What's up with right now?" You all see where this is going?

So my brethren Kelvin takes the wheel in his little 1980's Nissan Sentra (a nice change of pace, as I'm usually the one doing the driving) and drives us out to the ball court. We start up the Utah (Every man for himself, first one to 100 and to hit a half court shot wins. Each basket is worth 5 points.). I go to work. I'm at 100 before the last person to score scores. Takes me a while to nail the half court joint but once I do they're ready to go for round two. These young assed whipper snappers! Alright, I figured I could shut their asses up once more. Huh, easy pickings. I destroyed them again, making shit look easy.

I have no clue as to why it was so easy. No clue. But I felt like I was 17 again. I barely broke a sweat. That shit was just too easy. Craziness. Go Sean!

"...spit a few at a traitor with that new AR/
try to kill me? I'm the leader, that's coup d'état..."
Nas on The n

Today I'm feeling:

like congrats is in order

The big 1K!

1000 seems to be the theme of the month going here. Maxed out the old iPod Mini with over 1000 songs earlier this month and now I'm up to 1000 views here at the old blog. Go me, I suppose.

And here are some of the thought of thoughts running through my head:

That University of Florida student is a trip, yes. But why would 4 police officers/security personnel feel they need to taser him? 4 people, to taser 1 man? Ridiculous. They should be punished.

Cover flow! It's pretty.

The DMV sent me a notice pushing back my window tints hearing on the 11th. It was written on the 7th. My hearing was the 20th. I went to the hearing, spent $4 on the much hated MTA subway, only to find out that in a few hours I'll receive a notice pushing back my hearing for several months. Seems someone owes me $4.

Check out this place if you're ever in NYC.

"...think rational/
loving money and weed, pussy and fast food..."
Nature on Man's world

Today I'm feeling:

In the mood for a good...

The Big Apple

Just got a win in my fantasy football league. It was harrowing too. I missed the draft and now have an awful team. Add to that a couple stupid trades I made at the beginning of the season (the week before last) and I've become a huge underdog. But, in Week 2, I've already found my first victory. Here's to many more!

Perusing the iPod selection, I feel that the folks at Apple are railroading us foaming at the mouth consumers. They know we like their minimalist industrial design. Everything is all sleek like. But they're pimping us. They over charge and leave out components we could easily manage for less money in another format. Ah, the price we pay for pretty. So here's what I've got to say. Don't get the new iPod Nano. When the thing first came out, a couple years ago, it was indeed tiny. Nano, even. But I've seen smaller MP3 players and at this point, the iPod Nano, isn't all that small or novel anymore. Apple should revert to the iPod Mini moniker. Also, the new iPod touch is a waste of your fucking bacon. At 8 or 16gbs, Apple seems a bit confused. They seem to think that bigger is not better. We all know this logic to be to the contrary. And while no one wants to lug shit around, we don't like to be limited either. Find a better balance for your video player dawg. We want to actually use the mofo. Essentially, the iPod touch is a music player that can go online (though may not be the most convenient web browsing implement) and play videos. Which doesn't warrant the $300 and $400 price tags. That leaves the iPod classic as the best value in iPodding. It's slim, and we all like 'em skinny don't we? It's also packing! 80gbs for $249. Or 160gbs for $349. You get the video capabilities with some actual space with which to store a video library. Now that's good enough to masturbate to.

Anyone see a pattern forming with my posts?

"...heart is bleeding, stress got my hairline receding/
God degree feeding, leading my seeds back to Eden/
and stay suspicious of promiscuous bitches/
who don't wash and do dishes, too big for your britches..."
Rza on Whatever happened by AZ

Today I'm feeling:

clear

iTrod

You guys do realize that O.J. is 60, right? Why O.J.? Did you all know that the woman who shot her preacher husband, and father of her kids, in the back did 7 months in prison? She did more time than O.J. did. You gotta chill man. Chill.

My dawg Maykin chilled with me yesterday. It's really odd that we haven't hung out in such a while (since one of his best friends bought the farm back in February) and we just caught up and shot the shit. Oh, the things we talked about. Exactly what you'd imagine two 27 year olds to talk about. Such masculine talk. Male bonding and all that good stuff.

Lastly, Asics just doesn't make any of the nice looking Tigers for men, do they? What gives? A jazzy pair of Mexico 66's right now could really hit the spot. Maybe if I do my best Schopenhauer impersonation, a pair in my size will magically appear at my doorstep.

"...no gimmicks, just me being me/
but you ain't bending or offending me/
'cause anyways, Hennessey used to be a better friend to me"
Rass Kass on The End

Today I'm feeling:

in the middle

Hack!

Phew! My blunder ended all's well. Seems I somehow got the cat to swallow a mint ball. She later hacked it up and carried on as if nothing happened. Go S2! I'm sorry hun, by the way. Don't tell the mama bear.

"...never trick a bitch car payment off/
I'm an orangutan when the chain is off/
I set trip and I slowly blast/
with a axe and a pump and a goalie mask/
leaving stains of blood on your Rolie glass/
when I'm in your hood, nigga, throw me bags"
Redman on Enjoy da ride

Today I'm feeling:

like a carrier

Graping

Oy vey. Inertia is a bitch. I really couldn't push up the other day because of the hangover. That headache isn't conducive to doing shit, except maybe hike. Now, it's harder than ever to get down. It's like starting over. But I'm grinding it out!

Lily Allen. She's making it happen. She's got a groovy track on the new Mark Ronson album, Version, and she's getting sick airplay on a track with Common now. Go Lily!

You know what's fucking up my work-out routine. Chocolate. I just can't eat the stuff, it's poison. Everyone, quick, stick to alcohol. The preferred poison of healthy people everywhere.

"she was more like a beauty queen from a movie scene/
I said don't mind but what do you mean 'I am the one'?"
Michael on Billie Jean

Today I'm feeling:

only too careless

You like how I say just Michael, yeah?

Alcohol and life

View from the roof of loft party, Bushwick, Brooklyn

That's the entrance to the loft across the street I ended up crashing after the police thinned out the first party. Turns out, the second one was corny and the small entourage of lesbians I found myself with were scavenging alcohol in the kitchen. Yucksters.

But what made the night really chill was the dude I'm supposed to be moving to Peru with. He's certainly going in November, but said I could join him afterwards and doesn't mind if I don't come down right away. Then he started busting dance moves on the dance floor. Riotous! We're going to give Peru hell.

Just reliving my one glorious night of like the whole summer. Then it gets cold as fuck. The type of cold where if you stub your toe, you fear the doctors might want to amputate.

And here's what sucks during the fall and winter months: waking up early on a Sunday. Why? Well, the only thing of interest to do all day long is watch the NFL! I wake up at 7am and am stuck for hours finding shit to do (which usually entails cleaning). I guess it's a blessing to have the time and motivation to tidy, but I'd much prefer to wake up at 12:30pm, 30 minutes before the kick-off of the 1pm games. Know what I means?

Oooooh, and I goooooooofed! I won't say how, but I goofed something TERRIBLE. Or should I say terr-i-ble! That's how my tutee says her Monday class schedule is. One emphasized syllable for every 3 hour class. It's all about timing.

"Master say being born colored was the worst disease/
and we the worst of breeds, worst than fleas/
'cause as long as I work for he, I work for free/
he beat me like a dick in jail and curse at me"
Sean J of the Field Mob on Nothing 2 lose

Today I'm feeling:

sympathetic

As in my sympathetic system is firing away!

Pre tend

light towers commemorating 9/11

Thinking back, I'm a bit obtuse, aren't I?

You know what's annoyingly insensitive? Getting flaked on. Got flaked on twice over the weekend. Was supposed to go hiking and I knew I was going to get played, and things played out accordingly. Then, Sunday morning touch football gets canceled this week. Disappointment abounds. But it's cool. I poured beers for the Thomas Hooker booth at the NY Brewfest on Friday and the two different beers they had were a Blonde Ale and their Oktoberfest Lager. Nothing like shouting "Blonde Hooker!" or "German Hooker!" to a bunch of punch drunk beer heads. And, as the Hooker beer had to be the best at the fest, when I ran out of beer, I was allowed to drink beer from the other booths. Sweet intoxication wasn't too far behind.

Then the house party, byob style, was in full swing when I arrived straight from the brewfest. I haven't imbibed so much fucking alcohol in what seemed like months (though it's probably closer to a couple weeks). It got crazy when everyone hit the dance floor to hits from Wu Tang, Old Dirty Bastard and DMX. Yup, that's right, 1990's rap hits. It was so fucking insanely awesome. Until the police raided the place. They gave summonses to everyone on the roof (I had left the roof only minutes before the police showed) and anyone outside with a beer in their hand. I avoided the po-po completely, laughing my ass off to the lesbians getting down on the dance floor.

Best night I've had in a very, very long time. Not enough to compensate for the hangover hike I didn't get to go on or the Sunday morning touch football game, but I'll remember it until I find my next house party in a Brooklyn loft, byob style.

"I'm feeling high and I'm drifting/
mind on my business, nine in my britches/
I ride with ambition, push-up a hundred times for the ones dying senseless..."
Steele of Smiff N Wesson on Get back

Today I'm feeling:

cooperative

Max't

Just realized that I have 1017 songs on my iPod Mini. It's time for me to get a new one with way more memory. I've maxed out my iPod. Can you believe that?

Good thing I deleted all those Mike Jones songs.

"Mike Jones, who?/
Mike Jones!"
Mike Jones on everything he's ever recorded

Today I'm feeling:

full

...in the double 0 seven!

Read Café's back yard, Williamsburgh, Brooklyn

Word, I'm a '70's baby, raised in the '80's and bred on '90's music. And the genre of the decade? Hippa to the hoppa! The likes of the Notorious B.I.G., Wu Tang Clan, the Infamous Mobb Deep, Nas, Redman and Busta Rhymes made sure the music was creative if not great. Come 2000, hip hop's greatest turned it over to excellent wordsmiths like Eminem and Kanye West.

But hip hop flat lined some time between 1999 and 2007. I don't know exactly when, but I used to buy several hip hop albums a year. I memorized lyric after lyric. I wrote my own. I worshiped the music, man. It was all about beats and rhymes. Then hip pop hits started to proliferate. I guess this sound can best be summarized by the artist Nelly. That brought the decline of rap. Rhythm and Blues profited well from a resurgence, but rappers started relying on R&B crooners to give their records more universal appeal. It might have worked from the money point of view, but the art suffered. And to that end, I'm no longer the fan I was. I'll still fuck with a true artist. I'll buy a T.I. album. I'll fuck with a Boot Camp Click endeavor. But I'm not crazy about any artist in particular. So it was no surprise when I walked past the line waiting outside the Union Square Virgin Megastore to see Kanye west, and went inside and checked out the rock section. It's new to me. But it's artistic, it's warm, it's creative, it's from the soul, it's inspired, and it's everything hip hop hasn't been in about 6 or 7 years.

I saw what I wanted but Virgin is far too overpriced for my tastes. I went to the discount music store and bought The Con by Tegan and Sara who I've recently quoted mercilessly here. Ahem. Ugh. And I love it! The album is almost perfect. These twins really rock out and all their songs are inspired. It's not music to make a buck. The album is also critically acclaimed and is touted as their best of 5 album releases. I highly recommend it. It's worth your bread.

Check their shit out on Youtube. It's powerful music.

"I be trying to chill man, she just trip on some old shit/
women hold a grudge like piss on a road trip"
Sean J on I hate you

Today I'm feeling:

repetitive

Y'all heard this from me before?

Oh, for crissakes!

Mind over body, as I always say. For days I ate just fruit. I was STARVING but had no appetite. So the other night I bowl over in agony. If felt as though my stomach was eating itself. Eating me. And I just had no appetite. I was out of fruits and really didn't want to eat anything.

Here's another one. Sleep. I just couldn't get any. I'd sleep for 2 hours and be up for 24 straight and not so much as yawn. On fruit for fuel. It's just the damn stomach feeding on itself that I couldn't tolerate. I sat and slowing force fed myself a plate of meat. Steak and chicken breast. Just protein. It actually helped me get those 2 hours of sleep. Then in the morning I had enough of an appetite to eat three slices of toasted bread with peanut butter and blueberry preserves. Afterwards, I felt sick. I was delirious. This gut of mine is an LSD trip. So bipolar.

Add to that I went from exhausted and sedentary, to working out like a maniac. With fruit as my only source of fuel.

Mind over matter.

It doesn't matter, if you don't mind.

"I'll rhyme if you admit I got skills/
and tell your friends 'when Sean rhymed I got chills.'"
Sean Luxembourg, just now

Today I'm feeling:

skilled

Void

...

"All eyes are on me now."
Tegan and Sara on Floorplan

Reminds me of Tupac as well.

Been watching a little more television than usually, lately. So you know that shit eats your eyeballs and chews 'em like gum? Your brain doesn't fare much better.

Today I'm feeling:

luke cold

Bonus quote!

"Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at. Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at."
Tegan and Sara on Call it off

Over yonder

Why does it always seem like far away is so far away?

4:45am EST. U.S.A. v. N. Korea. Women's Soccer. Tuesday, September 11th. I've set my alarm clock!!!

"you want to stick me then put your best to it or die black/
we see you in Allah's kingdom, you try that"
Nas on How ya livin by AZ

Today I'm feeling:

like I shouldn't have tried "that"

"I just want back in your head"

The gang's all queer

No offense to anyone in the photo...

It was cool being around a bunch of women, all of whom didn't rock any make-up and where pretty gritty: hiking and shit. Nah, they weren't all hardcore, but a couple were. It's like opening up a photo album and saying the first thing that comes to mind. So I just randomly uploaded this photo, and wrote the first things that came to mind, while this song was playing:

"...remember when I was so strange and likable?/
I just want back in your head/
I just want back in your head/
I'm not unfaithful but I stray/
when I get a little scared..."
Tegan and Sara on Back in your head

Today I'm feeling:

unleveled

Split

Wow! Wow. Wow. Wowwwwwwwwwww! Wow.

Just was floored by a bit of info. It seems my first love, a woman I will always remember but would be fine if I never hear from or see again, is getting married next month. And moving to New Jersey. I'm floored. Great woman. Super intelligent. Amazing eyes. Pretty. Clean. Actually, she's perfect, from what I remember, in every way except a couple. I knew she'd make some man very happy. Never thought she'd take the plunge. Why? She told me. She said something about not ever wanting to get married. Also, in reference to us she said "let's never get married." It was like déjà vu (and more painful) when the most recent and only the second love of my life told me the same exact thing (I think I love the most recent one more I guess). It only goes to show... something, though I'm not sure what? So I guess I won't be shocked when I hear love number 2 is getting married 6 years down the line.

New rule added, "when 'she' says 'let's never get married,' it's time to split!"

"...you've become somebody else 'round everyone else/
watching your back like you can't relax/
trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me/
tell me why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?..."
Avril Lavigne on Complicated

Today I'm feeling:

astonished

and just when I thought everything was back to normal...

Is it 7:30 yet?

Because I'm going crazy!

McDonald's. I can understand Apple advertising on VH1 and MTV. I can understand McDonald's advertising everywhere and on everything in the U.S.; the world even. What I can't grasp is why they'd feel the urge to advertise to the New York metro area that it's a test market for their new angus beef based hamburger. Not having looked at any empirical evidence to prove or disprove my thinking here, I must say the shit don't make sense. It just don't. I'd assume that New York City has got a higher per capita ratio of vegetarians than most other big cities here in the U.S. It's like every third person I meet (pardon the pun) is a fucking hard line vegetable consumer. Besides that, are New Yorkers big connoisseurs of beef? Like do we appreciate the difference between run of the mill beef and the angus kind? Chill homie. What really gets me curious is the fact that they run ads telling us that we're a test market. How does that make us want to buy the burger any more than just saying it's a superior burger? Is it a clever little ploy to introduce humor, and only a clever little ploy to introduce humor?

I'm in the process of finalizing some hiking plans for next weekend, but it seems my "company" is only tagging along to appease me. So this morning when I sent her the link to a website that rates and describes some great local hikes, I put it out there. It seemed utterly appropriate to ask someone, point blank, 'hey, you're not just going hiking to appease me?' Eh. If the person is just a nice person, of course she's going to say 'no' and feel awkward the whole trip. Last time we went hiking and to Pacem in Terris I started to play a Common tune on the old iPod and she asked 'who is this?' I told her who it was and said it's rap and she laughed hysterically. Which I thought was cool. She was having a laugh at my expense. People don't usually have the courage to do that in your face.

I'm putting a hurting on my body! I've pushed up until my arms won't stop trembling. Gotta start the crunches now.

So what's the deal with Dead Sea salt? I asked my mom to pick me up a sack when she goes to Israel in a couple months, but I can see myself getting the same results using Morton's sea salt to exfoliate, etc.

Speaking of foliate... hmmm, when does the foliage start to turn? That could make for an excellent hike.

Too much fucking writing.

"White Americans, what? nothing better to do?/
why don't you kick yourselves out, you're an immigrant too"
The White Stripes on Icky Thump

Today I'm feeling:

Not the dog or his/her owner... more like the fucking leash

"...it's kind of like getting caught in a bear trap and having to gnaw off your own leg to escape. And what I did, essentially, was chew off my motherfucking leg."
Sean Luxembourg, September 2007

Easy Pickings

"But it was mango season. The mangoes were cheap. They were cool, and sloppy with sweet spicy juice. To a throat rubbed raw by dust, by heat, by the choking soot of traffic, they were perfect. I was slowly beginning to realize that Afghanistan is a 1 percent country. The ninety-nine bad things are what make the one remaining thing so indescribably good.

"... That's Afghanistan. You eat a mango in a mine field. Things that are easy have no flavor."
Excerpt from The Kabul express by Patrick Symmes, c. 2003. From Outside magazine and The best American travel writing, 2004.

A bottle of about 32 sleeping pills will last me quite some time. I'd say about 3/4ths of a year, easily. However, I feel every time I walk into the drug store to re-up, there's less of a deal. I usually get the store brand because what do I care about quality? They could be made in China for all I know. I'm only using the damned things to self medicate. I usually swallow it down with a beer. When times get tough, I start building a tolerance to it. Today I paid 8 bucks for 32 doses. Which is more like 24 doses when I start doubling up in due time. I used to get the same amount, roughly, for half that. The other day I swallowed a dose and slept for 2 and a half hours, the only sleep I had in maybe a 54 hour stretch. But I'm far from sleepy. I'm functioning, doing push ups like madness and doing it without eating anything outside of nectarines too!

This human body is such a trip. It's all subject to the mind. I bet if amputees could train their brains, they could regrow their lost limbs. Then prosthetics would sell only to the weak minded. We'd have an amputee social stratification problem on Earth. Like Robert Frost declared how way leads on to way, the same could be said about problems. In this paragraph alone I've described how emotional problems could lead to drug problems and how physical problems could lead to societal problems. If I'm not a nectarine gone bad, then I must be fermenting.

"you know I gotta get away
fuck that, never let a nigga take me out my zone/
if he try then blow him/
and go 'ooohooooohooohoooo'"
Mobb Deep on Get away

Today I'm feeling:

nickeled, dime and quartered